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HOME Ruth Arriola, 092792. Call me Ruth. Im 18 years old. Licensed. Im Undescribable. Even i cant Describe myself. but hey, i dont bite. follow me. and ill follow you yah? My Life's happy and sometimes its just shit that happens. I mean wwho doesnt get emo at times? haha. Its a blog kinda like my Timeline while im not tired of the massive transformation of the technology Archives
March 2009
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June 2010
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Thursday, June 24, 2010
tell me where'd all the magic go Now playing: July - Drake So lately, i havent been having the right mindset. Everything seem so happy but then something doesn't feel right. Sometimes, it just wanna makes you fucken cry. Is she really outta my life? It is probably the biggest loss i've ever had, if she really is serious. She's like my sunshine. My bestfriend. How could i even do the most fucked up things. And mostly how could i even hurt her? I was just so careless. And it sucks cuz all i can do is say sorry. Fuck dude. I never thought we would end up like this. "and all i can do is dreAM" Wednesday, June 23, 2010
late fathers day. So, the past week it was my dads birthday and the next week was father's day. My dad, he left me when I was a year old to go and work in other country, specifically, Guam. Since then, i never knew what he looked like but just in the picture. I just hear the sound of his voice over the phone. It was nice to know that theres someone over the other country working hard for his family. Im even thankful for that. I met him in real person after 10 years, and it was kind of awkward feeling whn i first met him. I remember that time, i was so spoiled and he brought me alot of stuffs coming from abroad. Back then, i knew something was missing, it was him. There are times that i spent my birthday without his presence, there are times that i wish i grew up with him so that we could know each other more. There are times that i hear my mom kneeling down praying because of my hard headed brothers. And i wish my dad was there to discipline them. Basically, i grew up with my mom. After that he went to guam again. And i remember he went back to p.i for my elementary graduaTion. After that he decided to leave guam and move to the mainland. With no one to help him, he moved all by himself. It was a terifying moment when i heard my mom crying over the phone, because my dad was stuck in the airport and couldnt find someone to help him. I was scared because he wAs sleeping in the benches of LAX, freezing. "nene, kahit ano mangyare, tandaan niyo, mahal na mahal ko kayo" these were his words when he was stuck in this one place. Thankfully he found his way to SFO. He commuted all the way down there, in where he started out as a security guard and worked his way up to being an engineeer. Life was good then. But it didnt end here. Numerous nights, countless mornings, i hear my mom crying and crying. There are times that they would scream at each oyher and it already bothered me because my mom couldnt stop crying for days. I didnt know anything or what was happening. But i hear my mom trippin about my dad havin another girl.i didnt even bother because i know in my heart, my dad couldnt do that. I calm myself down. I didnt worry about it or anything. Or im thinking my moms just too paranoid. Til the time came, that were moving here(us). I didnt wanna leave my mom alone. But i have to. You wouldnt believe what happened during my first few months here. I didnt know anything. So i was cool with my dad. We had our bonding time the first few days here. til i noticed something weird in him. And til my mom wouldnt stop calling me . There was something inside that i was feeling but i kept on ignoring it. There was this one time i read a text msg; "pede ko ba makita ang mga bata?" "si danielle may sakit, gsto ka makita" sent to another carrier. I already read that text msg that gave me clue of what was goin on, i just wouldnt believe myself becuz i trust my dad. I knew his day offs from work, i noticed that he would go out during7:00am and 3:00pm. Every day offs its like that. And out of curiousity, one time i went with him. I forced him. And there i found out the fucken truth. He wasss picking up this lil girl and would give her a ride to and from school. I couldnt stop asking myself questions. Til i found out the truth that i have a sister from another mother. I blamed my mother and him. I fucken blamed my father the most, and from that, i hated my father. I had so much resentment. The drama went on for so many fucking months. There were times that i would go babysit with my dad, just to make sure that the another girl and him werent doing anything. You know how fucking hard that is? And how hurt i was? Knowing that my brothers doesnt know boutthis until now.i had so much pain because of my mothers pain too. It was just hard finding out the truth. And really, truth fucken hurts. From then, this was always the reason why my mom and dad would always fight. I dont blame her if she cant trust my dad. I dont blame her. I blame my dad. From then on, I lost the respect that i had for him. It was just God and Gods wordthat made me forgive his ass .. He is still my father, after all. Dad, i still love you no matter what. Thanks for everything. Your daughter, Ruth Friday, June 18, 2010
WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR, anyways? Now Playing: Love, Sweet Love by Jeffrey and Arnee Hidalgo "Love, sweet love everybodys looking for Love, real love, everybody's longing for Love can break our hearts Now I know that it's time to start" and i currently hear the screaming of my parent's voice all over their room, even though the door is shut. its just too loud. so im blasting music right now, and im sitting here in our dining table.typing and what not. Man, yesterday.. It was great but, i could have had fun without them bitchin at me, calling me to pick em up. I had an argument with my brother because of me borrowing the van, same thing happened to my dad. dude, i just wanna have some fun sometimes, ya know? if you're gonna take a look at it, im always stuck at home, because i couldn't go anywhere for i have to pick you guys up. Yes, i had this license for a reason, and thats to help you guys, so you and mom wouldn't have an argument when it comes to going to places. I wake my fuckin ass up early just to drop you guys offa work and this is what im gonna get? Where's the consideration there? Dude, i just wanna have fun sometimes, ya know. Well, okay, it sucks when you have your license and you cant go anywhere. damn. but its all good. WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR, anyways? no one did. and that just stop me from doin anything. fuck. at the end of the day, im still the bad one here. okay another one, lemme vent on this one. I told myself that im not gonna do anything for someone that much, but i think i did? Now Playing: Love Lost - Trey Songz To hear that from someone you like hurts. i felt like im doing too much just tryna help someone out. fuck dude. but anyways im done with it. ughh but it hurtsssss rjaj.done witchu maann. Wednesday, June 16, 2010
HAAAAYY BUHAY. sometimes HAPPPY, but there are things that would pop and would make you so damn sad. For me, this happens everyday in my life, to be more specific, every night. There was a time that my day was going way too happy and then one moment i get sad and cry my asss too damn hard. Now Playing: Statistics- Lyfe Jennings. Summer, this is probably going to be one of the most interesting summers i will ever have. I just gotta live it to fullest yknow? but damn tho, talkin to 3 guys is kind of interesting because you get to know them more, haha. not a player status tho, but sometimes you gotta go through awkward situations. haha. sometimes Christian makes me cry, He loves me too much. on the other part, its nice ti know that im smiling everyday with these certain ppl making me happy. Guys just needa stop bein jerks. MAN i needa vent sometimes. this blog maybe gibberish, but its what im feelin. i love life, Ruth Tuesday, June 15, 2010
hello summer.  Friday, June 11, 2010
those cold summer nights. So its 122am, and i dont why the heck am i crying. Wait no. As usual im crying over him. I just miss everything right now. Like everything. Its been kinda long since he called me babe, its been hella long that we talked like this to each other and fuck its making me cry so damn hard.. I've been so fucken damn heartless before to let him just go and to let my love slip away. Karma's a bitch and i know i deserve it. Im not regretting anything tho, i just miss christian and im soooo glad thay were friends eventhough he piss me off sometimes. Chinky eyed bitch status right now tho. ImissChristian, And my names ruth. Thursday, June 10, 2010
and i know its gonna hit me somehow Recently, i dont know why, but he's the first thought everytime i wake up. I dont know why its hitting me right now, i thought i was over him, but i wasnt. Its true that the only time you would really move on is when another person goes in yer heart. Yet no one still replacing him, i might like anybody else but its different when a person lingers in your heart. But what can i say? I know my decision was for the good of both of us. I have so much to learn and he does too. I found myself hurting when he would mention every other girl in his status. Its never that easy and who said it was?..i had the answer last night. "i still like you,lightweight", right when i read it. Tears began to fell down in my cheeks. I realize that i can only be hurt thay much. I guess its time for me to really stop my feelings. Just typing this crap is makin me cry already. Thank you for the truth tho. Love hurts, Ruth Wednesday, June 9, 2010
boy, i do the unthinkable Now Playing: Unthinkable (remix)- Alicia Keys ft Drake Fling? recently, i hadda talk with my friends how I'm currently single and i love it. Yes, summer's here, i dont gotta worry about anything. maybe, this time, i will really really learn how to handle my damn feelings over a guy. Guys are stupid. haha. theyre so numb. and maybe this time,too, i could think more of myself. but the problem is.. it aint me when i think of myself. i tend to think about a certain person and give em all and whatever. i have a feeling that something's gonna happen this summer. i just have a feeling. I gotta learn how to not fall easily and not fall with those sweet talks ya know . im like that. and thats how i fall. but whatever happens happens, no strings attached, ruth. PLS? =[ yessuuhh i got this summer man. <3 hahaha "when he call me mama,lil mama, i call him baby" live.love.laugh, RUTH. i have to admit. i miss Christian, but that's all. I needa go on.. and on.. i needa stop lookin through the past.. I realized that I can only be hurt this much.only this much. Sometimes, no matter how much i try not be hurt, and pretend not to be hurt, that's where it hurts even more. No matter how i try to ignore the stuff he's been psoting, it still hurts me somehow. and sometimes, it makes me wanna cry.. i miss you, thats all. |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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