It's Just The Way It Is.

A few things before 2011 ends;

2012-01-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

I am sitting down here in my bed, reflecting upon this year. This year was full of ups and downs and i cannot thank the Lord enough for what he put me through. Its that time of the year again where everyone says "its new year, its new Me". For me, i wouldn't say its NEW me because im gonna be lying if i say that. I would say "its new year, the better me."

First of all, i would like to thank the very few people that was there for me when i needed someone. it may not be this person, but there's always another friend that would make you feel better.

Hey Faye, it was a rollercoaster ride with you, but it was the best i ever had.you made me so much stronger. You're fucking wonderful. Thank YOU.

Friends? only a few people i call friends. Just about this year, i found the true meaning of friendship. real friends, never leave your side, no matter the distance or the circumstances. real friends listen to what your gonna say no matter how long ur problem is. real friends... only few of em stuck with me through the end of this year.

I may have had offended people due to the fact that i may be ditching them or just not replying to their texts or just leaving so early whenever theres a kickit. I am so sorrrrrryyy. i admit that i choose that decision and its because i did not know what to do because i was so focused with one thing. but people do learn from their mistakes. sadly, i just realized everything when during this time of the year.

there so much to look back in this year of 2011. and it just makes me smile.

PROM 2011; it was hell going thru this, debating last minute if i should go or not, buying our tickets so last minute. Ditching school to get my check from work, running to the bank to cash my check, and finally going back to school to purchase the tickets bcause it was the last day. so much sweat. bussing to serramonte early in the morning to get the cake done for my prom date. ahhh. the rejections. the fights. the tears before prom was well worth it because she came with me. the money spent on it was so worth it. finally being with th gspot was pricelessssssss.

GRADUATION; a relief. graduated with the award of being athlete of the year. damn 4 years of hardwork; fighting to get up every morning to deciding to go to 1st period to just deciding to just sleep in. it was a struggle you know. but i could say, i put in hard work every year i had at Jeff. i finally graduated.

MY birthday; it was a rough day for me because of some plans that did not pull through and consisted of some people that couldn't understand. i thought i was gonna have a bad day but it came out right. with my family at the end of the night was there with me and surprised me of what i ve been asking for; my dslr. it was priceless man.let me tell you. but before the night ended, i got pulled over. hahah. aint that some shit.

speaking of my dslr; im staring my 365 project starting on the 1st . im so excitedddddd. hopefully i don't slack.

My family; it was just by the end of the year that i got to spend so much time at home and with them. i fucking regret not spending time wih them before. man i realizedthat my parents are getting old too that time is going by so fast. a few more years, my brother and them are gonna have a family. we aint getting older. theyre sooo priceless man. especially when i got them gifts. they're expressions are fucking PRICELESS.

My job; heyyy my job isnt really that bad anymore. as i get to know my coworkers, i realized that life for them is not easy, some of them went through hella shit just to ge that green pasture. im still lucky i did not have to go through this. i learned how simple life can be. so many irrelevant things that i have and i don't even need it.i also learned how to not judge a person by the way they look or by their race.

so many eventrs and haphazards that shot me on my weak spot but i never gave up. im still standing with a smile on my face

To 2012;
less stress with people
more time with family
more work hours
save money
less spending
schoool school schoool
church
friends
project 365

Thank You GOD,Always

This Christmas?

2010-12-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

The semester ended up so bad with the subject I didn't really like. I have one more semester to go til I cross that stage, one of the days i been waiting, and its gonna be a bittersweet feeling. My life may not be the way i WANTED, but im just thankful for the opportunity living everyday..

Im thankful sooo much that my my christmas and new year arent gonna be the same aas last year. and im way toooo happy to even explain how i feel right now.

092710 way for a good start babe. i love you very much and i want you to know that im falling more in love with you every day. even just writing this note is giving me butterflies. haha. :)

the last and final year?

2010-10-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Celebration - Tank ft Drake

Since I have nothing to do, and I havent been bloggin or updating this.

Anyways, my life lately was so messy, just like my damn binder. It's all over the place and I cant seem to keep and organize it. Maybe, after the season, I will be able to keep my shit straight. With all honesty, I think there are some people that I already let down and there are these people who still believes in me. With the way I'm dealing with things right now doesnt look correct. forgive me, but i'm still workin my way there. Im not even proud of what I have right because I know I could do better especially school, and I still dont know whats gonna happen with my future. With all these pressure around me, its hard to get back on track. It's my senior year, I should have took it easy, but no, I took challenges that I know I could handle and maybe Im wrong cause I cant seem to handle it right. I dont even know if I'm gonna join badminton.

Meanwhile, theres one more week til volleyball season is over. Im glad i had the opportunity that she gave me the chance to be a captain, and for me it wasnt easy, cause im not the type that would get mad. But its all good, with each and every year, I had my improvements and achievements. Although, there are loses that I cant understand, i'd still look up high and acccept it. But there are times, that I cant pick myself up cus im so down. It's hard to keep it positive when youre facing the damn truth that ur worlds falling apart. But its okayyy, i know one of these days, ill pick myself up. and i hope its never too late for everything when that time comes...

thats about it for today i guess.

Happy Halloween !

xoxo,

RUTH ARRIOLA

And in the end, its still lonely..

2010-09-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

Aint Thinking Bout You - Chris Brown and Tyga

Being single, doesn’t mean you are completely happy, just because you are livin the single life. I wish I could be happy all the way. I don’t even know why im feelin this right now. It aint easy to deal with these ppl especially when u got that feelings for them. It aint easy either to put up with them with whatever they be givin to you. Going with the flow? Aint easy as it sounds.. I don’t even trust anybody anymore, I know I sound so judgmental, but it is from my view point. How could you trust one person, when they can always do shit behind your back. How could you trust a person, when you know they still talkin to other bitches. As much as I want to stop em, I can’t, because it aint my life. If its not the other thing, best believe its gonna be worse than that. I don’t know how people could tolerate the world today, with alla these phoney attitude that comes with their selves. I don’t even wanna hear anything about it anymore or not even try to fucken deal with it. Straight up immature dude. Im not sayin im all grown up, but cmon now, you know whats up and whats not. I don’t know, at first I liked alla this, but then sometimes, I wish it didn’t happen to me. Its just hard to deal with alla these ppl tryna get in to my life, and just leave and comeback whenever they want to. This one of the many reasons, why I wouldn’t settle down with anyone. UGHHHHHHHHHH. Its just hard to be left over and over again.

xoxo,

Ruth

One of those ordinary summer, but could have been better.

2010-08-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

As far as i can remember, 09's summer ended with my family problem too. Im not even surprised anymore.i know the silence between my 2nd brother and my dad, has sonething. I dont know, like rite now? I hella miss my brother paul. Hes not even the same anymore, i miss his jokes, laughter, all of it. Since that day, when my dad txted us talkin bout the bills and what not, and he took it up to his butt. Man, its not even the same anymore. I miss my kuya dude. It makes me cry...well maybe hes immature still, but these things dont gotta happen between the family. There are these awkward silences in the car when we cuda been rollin andnlaughin but no. Things are different:(

To the other side, i ended my summer with a blast with the mains.. Thats bout it.

And to tell you honestly, i haven done anything bou my summer works. Idk. Ugh. Im just ready for school cuz of volleyball season. Thats it..

I can hear my brother snoring.. I miss him. And im currently tearing right now... Ok bye...

an update.

2010-08-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

i just felt like updating my blog because, i been sucha procrastinator all this time. and when it comes to volleyball, i never lagged. haha. its not good.

So, there's exactly 14 days before school starts, and i havent done any of my summer works. I dont know, i dont have any excitement nor any motivation to do any of this at all. sad to say... i know.

but anyways, this summer wasnt different from last year, its alright. nothing really happened.

oh well atleast i got to meet my goals tho; i been drunk, i been to function, i got to kickit with my lovelys, i just needa geett high. hahah. okay thats enough..

ohh boys.. i jsut dont know how to deal with yall. damn but this fooo thoo, got me fucked uppp.like freals. i hella like him. fuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkk mannn.

anyways, i was out for like a week cuz of my ankle. oh man. :[ i shuda neva wisheeed that. because it does suck big timeee.

"God wont give me anything i cant handle.."

i just seeen that quote. okay.i believe in HIM.

i love my life. sometimes it just hurts..bhut i should be fine and happy.

i love my family eventhough, were goin through this right now because of kuya paul. idont know, its just awkward sometimes...

man dude, this makes me wanna cry.. its okay everythings gna be fine..

there are better days..

i love life,

RUTH

i feel lonely

2010-07-09T23:03:00.000-07:00

I feel lonely sometimes. its okaaaaaaaaaaay, you gotta sacrifice something to gain something good right?.ITS ALL GOOD. I COULD TAKE IT.

BUT I MISSSSSSSSSSS BUBBA=[

yes, i do feel like this

2010-07-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

I hate feeling like I’m some sort of back up plan, or a second thought. Honestly, some people only appreciate you more when you’re about to leave, walk out, when you’re sincerely fed up with everything. But once they get you back, they get the satisfaction for a bit, and then start caring less, start appreciating you less because they think you’ll always stay. Well, that isn’t always true. Appreciate someone while they are still there, not when they’re gone.

oh yea? its the truth.

2010-07-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

So that conversation with frenzy bout relationships, got me thinkin alot. With that past 2 year long relationship i had, i dont think i will be ever inlove that way. I mean its stuck in my mind and Ialready forshadowed whats gna happen because of it. And i know i dont wanna be in a relationship because i dont wanna hurt somebody else like what i did with that 2year relationship. Its hard because i know i was getting tired of it and the feelings aint there anymore. Its hard when you guys dothe same routine over and over again. Its hard thinking of ways how to be inlove over and over again. Its hard thnking whered all the spark go and yes it hurts for my side. And i feel the pain even more, because i know he is in pain.

Then once i fell in love so much that i never got to think of myself. I fell so hard that it was so hard for me to get up... It was a whole trip. I realized i could only do so much. I could only be hurt that much.

And with Christian, I did all of the things I learned. I was so fucking glad I wasnt hurt that much. And with chris, I dont think I was in love. I think its all that catchy feelings. But he was the man i finally saw myself with in the future. But then there are things that just didnt feel right. I think i was just playing games with him. Sad but thats what I realized.

But it's hard, after all. It's hard when you talk to someone, and all that "makin feel so damn good" feelings is soo attached to you. and then, when its not around, you look for it. No matter what, you get sad after all. I dont know if its me, well, yeah maybe it's myself. i fall too much for sweettalker, when you know they still mess around with them other bitches. It's hard not to expect from someone, especially when they say that they like you. It's never that easy yaknow? But I'll be sure starting from now on, to take time to look at the consequences at the end.

BECAUSE I FUCKING KNOW, you do too, THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, FEELINGS ARE

GONNA CHANGE and SHITS GONNA HAPPEN.

so be sure to leave ur one foot on the ground, so u could fucking get back up and make you momma proud.

Duces,

RUTH

tell me where'd all the magic go

2010-06-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

Now playing: July - Drake

So lately, i havent been having the right mindset. Everything seem so happy but then something doesn't feel right. Sometimes, it just wanna makes you fucken cry.

Is she really outta my life? It is probably the biggest loss i've ever had, if she really is serious. She's like my sunshine. My bestfriend. How could i even do the most fucked up things. And mostly how could i even hurt her? I was just so careless. And it sucks cuz all i can do is say sorry. Fuck dude. I never thought we would end up like this.

"and all i can do is dreAM"

late fathers day.

2010-06-23T00:16:00.000-07:00

So, the past week it was my dads birthday and the next week was father's day.

My dad, he left me when I was a year old to go and work in other country, specifically, Guam. Since then, i never knew what he looked like but just in the picture. I just hear the sound of his voice over the phone. It was nice to know that theres someone over the other country working hard for his family. Im even thankful for that. I met him in real person after 10 years, and it was kind of awkward feeling whn i first met him. I remember that time, i was so spoiled and he brought me alot of stuffs coming from abroad. Back then, i knew something was missing, it was him. There are times that i spent my birthday without his presence, there are times that i wish i grew up with him so that we could know each other more. There are times that i hear my mom kneeling down praying because of my hard headed brothers. And i wish my dad was there to discipline them. Basically, i grew up with my mom. After that he went to guam again. And i remember he went back to p.i for my elementary graduaTion. After that he decided to leave guam and move to the mainland. With no one to help him, he moved all by himself. It was a terifying moment when i heard my mom crying over the phone, because my dad was stuck in the airport and couldnt find someone to help him. I was scared because he wAs sleeping in the benches of LAX, freezing. "nene, kahit ano mangyare, tandaan niyo, mahal na mahal ko kayo" these were his words when he was stuck in this one place. Thankfully he found his way to SFO. He commuted all the way down there, in where he started out as a security guard and worked his way up to being an engineeer. Life was good then. But it didnt end here. Numerous nights, countless mornings, i hear my mom crying and crying. There are times that they would scream at each oyher and it already bothered me because my mom couldnt stop crying for days. I didnt know anything or what was happening. But i hear my mom trippin about my dad havin another girl.i didnt even bother because i know in my heart, my dad couldnt do that. I calm myself down. I didnt worry about it or anything. Or im thinking my moms just too paranoid. Til the time came, that were moving here(us). I didnt wanna leave my mom alone. But i have to. You wouldnt believe what happened during my first few months here. I didnt know anything. So i was cool with my dad. We had our bonding time the first few days here. til i noticed something weird in him. And til my mom wouldnt stop calling me . There was something inside that i was feeling but i kept on ignoring it. There was this one time i read a text msg; "pede ko ba makita ang mga bata?" "si danielle may sakit, gsto ka makita" sent to another carrier. I already read that text msg that gave me clue of what was goin on, i just wouldnt believe myself becuz i trust my dad. I knew his day offs from work, i noticed that he would go out during7:00am and 3:00pm. Every day offs its like that. And out of curiousity, one time i went with him. I forced him. And there i found out the fucken truth. He wasss picking up this lil girl and would give her a ride to and from school. I couldnt stop asking myself questions. Til i found out the truth that i have a sister from another mother. I blamed my mother and him. I fucken blamed my father the most, and from that, i hated my father. I had so much resentment. The drama went on for so many fucking months. There were times that i would go babysit with my dad, just to make sure that the another girl and him werent doing anything. You know how fucking hard that is? And how hurt i was? Knowing that my brothers doesnt know boutthis until now.i had so much pain because of my mothers pain too. It was just hard finding out the truth. And really, truth fucken hurts. From then, this was always the reason why my mom and dad would always fight. I dont blame her if she cant trust my dad. I dont blame her. I blame my dad. From then on, I lost the respect that i had for him. It was just God and Gods wordthat made me forgive his ass .. He is still my father, after all.

Dad, i still love you no matter what. Thanks for everything.

Your daughter,
Ruth

WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR, anyways?

2010-06-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Love, Sweet Love by Jeffrey and Arnee Hidalgo

"Love, sweet love everybodys looking for
Love, real love, everybody's longing for
Love can break our hearts
Now I know that it's time to start"

and i currently hear the screaming of my parent's voice all over their room, even though the door is shut. its just too loud. so im blasting music right now, and im sitting here in our dining table.typing and what not.

Man, yesterday.. It was great but, i could have had fun without them bitchin at me, calling me to pick em up. I had an argument with my brother because of me borrowing the van, same thing happened to my dad. dude, i just wanna have some fun sometimes, ya know? if you're gonna take a look at it, im always stuck at home, because i couldn't go anywhere for i have to pick you guys up. Yes, i had this license for a reason, and thats to help you guys, so you and mom wouldn't have an argument when it comes to going to places. I wake my fuckin ass up early just to drop you guys offa work and this is what im gonna get? Where's the consideration there? Dude, i just wanna have fun sometimes, ya know. Well, okay, it sucks when you have your license and you cant go anywhere. damn. but its all good. WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR, anyways? no one did.

and that just stop me from doin anything. fuck. at the end of the day, im still the bad one here.

okay another one,

lemme vent on this one. I told myself that im not gonna do anything for someone that much, but i think i did?

Now Playing: Love Lost - Trey Songz

To hear that from someone you like hurts. i felt like im doing too much just tryna help someone out. fuck dude. but anyways im done with it.

ughh but it hurtsssss

rjaj.done witchu maann.

HAAAAYY BUHAY.

2010-06-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes HAPPPY, but there are things that would pop and would make you so damn sad.

For me, this happens everyday in my life, to be more specific, every night. There was a time that my day was going way too happy and then one moment i get sad and cry my asss too damn hard.

Now Playing: Statistics- Lyfe Jennings.

Summer, this is probably going to be one of the most interesting summers i will ever have. I just gotta live it to fullest yknow?

but damn tho, talkin to 3 guys is kind of interesting because you get to know them more, haha. not a player status tho, but sometimes you gotta go through awkward situations. haha.

sometimes Christian makes me cry, He loves me too much.

on the other part, its nice ti know that im smiling everyday with these certain ppl making me happy. Guys just needa stop bein jerks.

MAN i needa vent sometimes. this blog maybe gibberish, but its what im feelin.

i love life,
Ruth

hello summer.

2010-06-15T00:32:00.000-07:00

those cold summer nights.

2010-06-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

So its 122am, and i dont why the heck am i crying. Wait no. As usual im crying over him. I just miss everything right now. Like everything. Its been kinda long since he called me babe, its been hella long that we talked like this to each other and fuck its making me cry so damn hard.. I've been so fucken damn heartless before to let him just go and to let my love slip away. Karma's a bitch and i know i deserve it. Im not regretting anything tho, i just miss christian and im soooo glad thay were friends eventhough he piss me off sometimes.

Chinky eyed bitch status right now tho.

ImissChristian,
And my names ruth.

and i know its gonna hit me somehow

2010-06-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Recently, i dont know why, but he's the first thought everytime i wake up. I dont know why its hitting me right now, i thought i was over him, but i wasnt. Its true that the only time you would really move on is when another person goes in yer heart. Yet no one still replacing him, i might like anybody else but its different when a person lingers in your heart. But what can i say? I know my decision was for the good of both of us. I have so much to learn and he does too. I found myself hurting when he would mention every other girl in his status. Its never that easy and who said it was?..i had the answer last night. "i still like you,lightweight", right when i read it. Tears began to fell down in my cheeks. I realize that i can only be hurt thay much. I guess its time for me to really stop my feelings. Just typing this crap is makin me cry already. Thank you for the truth tho.

Love hurts,
Ruth

boy, i do the unthinkable

2010-06-09T00:07:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Unthinkable (remix)- Alicia Keys ft Drake

Fling? recently, i hadda talk with my friends how I'm currently single and i love it. Yes, summer's here, i dont gotta worry about anything. maybe, this time, i will really really learn how to handle my damn feelings over a guy. Guys are stupid. haha. theyre so numb. and maybe this time,too, i could think more of myself.

but the problem is..

it aint me when i think of myself. i tend to think about a certain person and give em all and whatever. i have a feeling that something's gonna happen this summer. i just have a feeling. I gotta learn how to not fall easily and not fall with those sweet talks ya know . im like that. and thats how i fall. but whatever happens happens, no strings attached, ruth. PLS? =[

yessuuhh i got this summer man. <3

hahaha

"when he call me mama,lil mama, i call him baby"

live.love.laugh,

RUTH.

i have to admit.

2010-06-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

i miss Christian, but that's all. I needa go on.. and on.. i needa stop lookin through the past..

I realized that I can only be hurt this much.only this much. Sometimes, no matter how much i try not be hurt, and pretend not to be hurt, that's where it hurts even more. No matter how i try to ignore the stuff he's been psoting, it still hurts me somehow. and sometimes, it makes me wanna cry..

i miss you, thats all.

God, Family, School and Friends

2010-05-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

is equals to my life. This is how my life should go. In the same exact order, same exact spellig and its definition. I realized I could only handle this much. It is what you see is what you get. If you work for ir, it will bring peace and joy. Work for it rather than regretting the fact that you did not try. Try your hardest and do your bestest; in fact it is the only thing you can do when all else fails. And it's true, and there is nothing wrong with trying. Nothings going to change.

This is what i learned in these past few days, just recently. I had a fight with my parents and they were talk about my school and how i could do so much more. My grades isn't the way theyre supposed to be right now. I could do so much more. It hit me hard when my dad said "I do sport during my high schoool,yet i still excelled in class" It was the time that a tear just crawled down in my face. It broke my heart in a way that i wish I could do so much better, i wish i have that kind of skills my dad has, and a brain like him. Well, too bad i dont. This Cornell University thing? I tried my hardestto get the money, but it wasn't enough. They were the reason why i wanted to be in this summer college because atleast I know it would give me a background of becoming a doctor in the future. It hurts because of the fact that I can't go when i fund raised for it. I wish it's that easy to balance my activities along with the school works. I wish i had those skills..

"Feel the lows before the high"

A quote that I can never forget from the moment i heard it from a song called Unthinkable- Alicia Keys.

"Sana ganito na lang buhay, lage mo kasama mga kaibgan mo, walang tigil na kasiyahan" - BestFriend Jerome E.

right? I wish Life could be that easy, all bout having fun,partying, being there for eeach other. but naaah, To succeed in life, you gotta balance all of your priorities. and you gotta know which is your main priority. For me, its God. He is the reason for my living, He's my provider and everything, therefore i should give him back all the glory. There's always a guilty feeling in me when I cant go to church due to my activities, but i know He understands. but not all the time.
He moves in mysterious ways in my life, when He know i deserve it, He will gladly give it to me, eventhough i know to myself, that I do not deserve anything.

Im very thankful that I passed my driving test. He's so great that he let me passed my test eventhough I didnt go to church for the past few days..

GAHHHHHHH. im thankful that there's always a positve sidee of everything. whew.

oh, im single because i just wanna do me first.

Im grateful,
im RUTH

this

2010-05-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

love is taking all of my energy.

foolish

2010-05-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

maybe i was so foolish to react like that huh? tell me im wrong? i think i am in some way, but you cant blame me. i was jealous. and this man needs to learn his lesson real fast. but eff man. am i gonna see him tomorrow? Im not ready. omg. im hella crying right now.fuck sorry. but no. ughhhh. you hella hurt me dude. you were so out of pocket. but i love you. and im missing you.. hope ur not crying right now like me.

this shit fuckinnngggg hurts man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

when you love someone

2010-05-16T22:38:00.001-07:00

Now Playing: Say Goodbye- Chris Brown

"and sometimes it makes me wanna cry"

what i have written in my blog before this, was all lie. Technically, now,it's hitting me hard. i thought that i was gonna be the one to hurt him. Well, apparently, im the one who's hurting right now. So bad. yesterday was worst. I never knew that it would hurt this much.

To see someone you love, talk to other girls is what hurting me the most right now. Especially when the girl he was talkin to was the girl he used to like. I was keeping it for a long time, til this time i had to tell him because i couldn't take it. I never knew it would hurt up to this point, when i used to not give a fuck when they were talking. but it just hurt and it made me mad because he was so careless about what i feel. they're all the same, guys are so stupid. :[ fuck man.

Damn, there's a part of me telling to not let him go because its gonna be hard. It was that fast? I know right? I got close to him that fast and we've only been goin out for a month. its hard to lose someone you love just like that. I'm still holding on, even though i aint showing it. and i never knew that i would be hooked to him that i cried this much ..

man dude, i love Christian.. :[

she doesn't know what she wants.

2010-05-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

I cant even start how to put this ina good way, but whatever.

I knew that this feeling is only in the beginning, but you cannot do anything because you're stuck. I dont know, maybe it's just he's too good for me. fuck i dont know. What people said to me was stuck in my mind that it led me to just doing it because of them, not for him. I cant let him and them down. wtfuck man. im helluh fucked up.. Maybe i just gotta work on this by myself. i'll get through this. I have a lover, and he's the perfect guy. i can't hurt him.

i cant.

sigh.

2010-05-09T00:48:00.001-07:00

crying myself to sleep. maybe some day, i'll learn how to stand on my own feet and not depend to the ones you expect to be there for you when you need them. or maybe not expect something from anyone at all. Life hurt sometimes, cuz in the end,its just me,myself and i. Goodnight

In less than 4 weeks

2010-05-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

...the school is finally over. but over the duration,expect that there's gonna be more work and pain in the brain + more hard work for the upcoming PAL. All we gotta do is stay strong. Its almost there.I can do it, you could too. Goodnight.

I gotta stay strong,

and my name is,

RUTH

Life is Precious.

2010-05-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

and we should take care of it..

I just recently watched this video:

http://vimeo.com/11222689

and it made me think what could happen with a blink of an eye.

It is really important that we know,in ourselves, that Jesus Christ is in our hearts.

and it is also important that we choose the right decisiom, because not only that it will affect us, but consider also the people around us.

Life is very precious, you only live once..

So this week is boutta be over in an hour. And tomorrow, I will go to school with a new mindset about things. Not being stupid, (kuz i know ive been making the stupidest decision this whole week ). i cannot afford to make another one. Time for some change, ruth. Real change.

This week is about to be busy... with all the fundraising and work i will be doin for the tuition for Cornell..

Ima have to end it here now..

CHANGEruthCHANGE.

vindicated

2010-05-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

NOw Playing Vindicated- Dashboard Confessionals

It just happens that I was listening to this song by dashboard confessionals, and i was intrigued about the title and what it actually means. I looked it up on dictionary.com and there it showed up the meaning. I get it now. I remember this was one of the songs played in Spiderman (i dont remember what series was it).

But hey, this week has been pretty much tiring, stressing,heart breaking and full of lessons.

This week wasnt just the week for me, although i tried to look on the brighter side of everything. It would work,but there are just times that you can't do anything but to cry.. cry.. and learn a lesson..

Life? It may hurt, but that's where you become a better person..

i feel relived knowing that thing wasn't taken a look at. God blessed me this much. I've been praying

So starting monday (april 25), i've been pretty nervous because of the much awaited behind the wheel test on thursday the 29th. So then thursday comes right? it was pretty much going so good til i heard the news about Mr. Swan, my heart was broken, everybody in ap english was crying.It just hurt to see someone passed away just like that. It really does hurt... i was zoning out til 4th period.. til kyra made me smile because she sent me a message saying:

Dear Ruth,

I love you

Love,

Kyra

mr. swan was one of the greatest and cool teacher, in all honesty. he's a friend to me..

so then the moment of truth.I was so ready to take my driving test , my dad already excused me outta my class, and the next thing i know, the car has the orange thing on the wheel, i was like wow! are you serious? on the birthday of my brother? and on my behind the wheel test too? and the fact that i will be missing a game too. OMG. why does this shit have to happen on that day? from that moment, i didnt know what to do, i felt like the world just went down to me, i felt burdened so much. to know that its $405?, i feel like i wanted to die. april 29th was one of the worst days ever. i was crying the whole time. I've learned so much lesson dude, i know my God has a purpose for that, or maybe the devil was just tryna test me. =[ i cant even explain the feeling, i couldnt function the whole day, knowing that i have a test tomorrow, and a project due. what a shame...

If its not meant to be, you could try waiting...

maybe its time for me to wait?

sometimes,all you can do is cry..

im RUTH.

there's gotta be pain, of course..

2010-04-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

Currently: 2:22 am; Angels Cry- Mariah Carey ft Neyo

This week was so much load for me, although there was less homeworks, I still had to do so much works from school to practice to my house.

So we moved to a new place and its just an apartment but I aint trippin, its better than that small,old and dirty house. We're still on the process of fixing the new place and it may take a while.

Thats pretty much the big change that's happenin in my life.

So then today, I pretty much just stayed home and just killed time fixing the stuffs here at the new place. I barely talked to him today because he had to go the study session for their AP Biology. I ended up missing him. I've never felt like this before to the point when he texted me,i teared. its all bad man. Its not even funny anymore. As much as i wanna talk to him, i cant because i dont wanna be selfish .. The only time he texted me is when he's aboutta sleep and that made me even more sad. I went up to my bed and it started playing slow jams, so i basically cried. then later on.....

i went on facebook and his status said something about playing street fighter. i was shocked to know that he's still up and i thought he was gonna sleep. I was like wow. In my mind, i was all like "he just doesnt wanna talk to me, he couldve said it to me in the first place." Well sorry, i miss you this much and i wanted to talk to you. Man, it hella broke my heart and i just broke down.. Dont worry I'll put limits to myself so I wont have to get hurt this much...

Thats all i gotta share right now.

I know,there will be pain, but life goes in right?

but hey,

IM RUTH..

word from the best; Marie Pascual

2010-04-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

"stay away from people that makes yur life complicated when everything is going good cuz its going to happen over and over again no matter how much that person tries not to complicate things"

She's out of my life.

2010-04-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

and I lied. Well, for a certain time, she was, and i was doing fine in that certain time.

She came back, needing a friend that could help her and I was there.. She's the typa person that I would still do anything and would give everything.. For the question of why? I dont know either. I wish i could just resist just like that, but nah. I still find myself doing everything i can when she needs me. It's her.. I cant leave her hanging.. Being a friend...is the closest i could ever get to her..

It saddens me too, when she's sad.. I wish I could make her happy.. I dont know. Its unexplainable..

She still has a special place in my heart, and i have to admit that..

So far, so good, Jefferson Badminton Team

2010-04-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: She's Right There -

So far, we've had 6 games and by God's grace, we won all of it. I never expected this much of a blessings for the team. We've had people got kicked outta the team because of grades and some certain reasons, and i must say, the people that got kicked were the one who we are depending on. They're a big part of the team, but it is our time to depend on ourselves, to make a stand and be confident to say that; even though without them ,we could still make this win.

He's sucha nerd

2010-04-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

HIM: YESSSSS!!! I'm HELLA happy! haha! So what's the score now?

Ruth - 3
Christian - 1,000,000,000,001

Right?

ME: nopeee. igot.. 4,910,000,000,000,001

HIM:

Oh. And mine is times infinity, right?

ME:ughh. mines still better!

(and he was taking too long to reply..)

HIM:

If we switch the infinity sign, we get an 8!

R-U-T-H-A-N-N-E = 8 letters. Divide that by 2 and you get 4, which equals R-U-T-H. Another 4 letter word is L-O-V-E, for which I have for YOU. ♥

The 3 in <'3 (so it's not ♥ ) can be multiplied by 4 so we get 12. C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N & R-U-T-H. That's 13 letters. Since I have two "I"s in my name, that's technically using ONE letter. So we get 12 letters.

8 other letters are R.A.D.A. & C.F.L.D. Since I used 13 letters earlier, C.F.L.D. LOVES R.A.D.A.

ME:OMG SERIOUSLY BABE? YOU just did that?

but i like it..=]

so who's the NERD now?

Cant believe i cried..

2010-04-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

MHM!

(10:50:56 PM): And I'd totally tell you first, dude.

(10:50:57 PM): ...

(10:50:58 PM): =]
itsruthiee 10:51 pm
(10:51:15 PM): what?

(10:51:24 PM): repeat that again? X_X
Moar133tThanYou is offline 10:51 pm

IMs are delivered when the buddy signs in. Send Moar133tThanYou a text message
Moar133tThanYou 10:51 pm
(10:51:43 PM): YEAH! You read that right.

(10:51:48 PM): DUDE
itsruthiee 10:51 pm
(10:51:55 PM): whatever X_X

(10:51:56 PM): ugh

(10:52:01 PM): k dude
Moar133tThanYou 10:52 pm
(10:52:06 PM): LOL

(10:52:07 PM): Babe.
itsruthiee 10:52 pm
(10:52:09 PM): no
Moar133tThanYou 10:52 pm
(10:52:10 PM): I love you!
itsruthiee 10:52 pm
(10:52:12 PM): no
Moar133tThanYou 10:52 pm
(10:52:14 PM): Don't change your status!

(10:52:16 PM): BABE!

(10:52:17 PM): PLEASE!

(10:52:19 PM): <3

(10:52:27 PM): I'm only kidding!

(10:52:32 PM): ='[
itsruthiee 10:52 pm
(10:52:51 PM): no
Moar133tThanYou 10:52 pm
(10:52:59 PM): ...

(10:53:00 PM): okay...
itsruthiee 10:53 pm
(10:53:01 PM): ='[
Moar133tThanYou 10:53 pm
(10:53:07 PM): Good night...
itsruthiee 10:53 pm
(10:53:10 PM): nyt
Moar133tThanYou is available 10:53 pm
Moar133tThanYou 10:53 pm
(10:53:20 PM): ...

(10:53:22 PM): ='[

(10:53:26 PM): I<3u
itsruthiee 10:53 pm
(10:53:31 PM): no

(10:53:33 PM): bye
Moar133tThanYou 10:53 pm
(10:53:47 PM): Ruth... I'm only kidding... seriously...
itsruthiee 10:54 pm
(10:54:04 PM): no u promised me.

(10:54:06 PM): its whatever
Moar133tThanYou 10:54 pm
(10:54:24 PM): =[ Babe... I'm sorry...
Moar133tThanYou is available 10:54 pm
Man... I'm feelin' SO bad right now... 1s ago Comment
itsruthiee 10:55 pm
(10:55:19 PM): kk

(10:56:13 PM): and no im not answering
Moar133tThanYou 10:57 pm
(10:57:12 PM): I'm sorry...

(10:58:59 PM): Noooo. Don't cry, babe...
itsruthiee 10:59 pm
(10:59:02 PM): sall good
Moar133tThanYou 10:59 pm
(10:59:02 PM): I'm sorry...
Moar133tThanYou is available 10:59 pm
=____= 1s ago Comment
Moar133tThanYou 10:59 pm
(10:59:44 PM): I'm sorry for messing up big time, Ruth...

(11:00:37 PM): I'm so sorry...

(11:00:40 PM): =/
itsruthiee 11:00 pm
(11:00:49 PM): sall good babe
Moar133tThanYou 11:00 pm
(11:00:49 PM): Good night.
itsruthiee 11:00 pm
(11:00:53 PM): dont trip

(11:00:53 PM): :-)
Moar133tThanYou 11:01 pm
(11:01:15 PM): I'm already hella trippin' about it cuz I made a promise not to call you "dude" again...
Moar133tThanYou 11:01 pm
(11:01:20 PM): and I just did earlier...

(11:01:23 PM): I'm so sorry...
itsruthiee 11:02 pm
(11:02:20 PM): its all good babe..

(11:02:27 PM): dont worry about it.
Moar133tThanYou 11:02 pm
(11:02:51 PM): I'm trippin' over it, though...
itsruthiee 11:03 pm
(11:03:54 PM): dont worry beb.

(11:03:58 PM): its nothing
Moar133tThanYou is available 11:04 pm
Moar133tThanYou 11:04 pm
(11:04:45 PM): Ok. Ruth. I'm going to sleep now. I needa sleep this off.

(11:04:49 PM): good night.

(11:04:58 PM): I love you.

(11:05:00 PM): <3
itsruthiee 11:05 pm
(11:05:03 PM): k and u call me ruth

(11:05:07 PM): k Christian

(11:05:10 PM): goodnight

(11:05:13 PM): dont worry about it
Moar133tThanYou 11:05 pm
(11:05:17 PM): Babe...

(11:05:21 PM): seriously...
itsruthiee 11:06 pm
(11:06:16 PM): dont worry i still love you. go to sleep

(11:06:19 PM): sweetdreams.
Moar133tThanYou 11:06 pm
(11:06:27 PM): Babe.

(11:06:32 PM): I'm so sorry...
Moar133tThanYou 11:09 pm
(11:09:11 PM): I know you don't wanna talk to me right now because I couldn't keep a simple promise. I'm really honestly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, Baby. There's no excuse for me to be like this. I'm so sorry... Please forgive me, Babe... I love you...
itsruthiee 11:11 pm
(11:11:19 PM): its all good. i love you too.
Moar133tThanYou 11:11 pm
(11:11:36 PM): I can't believe I just did that... I don't wanna hurt you anymore... i can't afford to do that. I'm so sorry, babe. I'm. so sorry...
itsruthiee 11:13 pm
(11:13:02 PM): people make mistakes. its all good babe
Moar133tThanYou 11:13 pm
(11:13:19 PM): <3

(11:13:24 PM): Thanks babe...
itsruthiee 11:13 pm
(11:13:40 PM): your welcome
Moar133tThanYou 11:14 pm
(11:14:54 PM): I just don't wanna lose you, babe...
itsruthiee 11:15 pm
(11:15:07 PM): im still here babe.
Moar133tThanYou 11:15 pm
(11:15:58 PM): Are we still gonna walk tomorrow morning?
itsruthiee 11:16 pm
(11:16:04 PM): if you want to..
Moar133tThanYou 11:16 pm
(11:16:13 PM): Of course I want to.

(11:17:24 PM): I need to make this up to you somehow...
itsruthiee 11:18 pm
(11:18:41 PM): its okay babe, u dont have to, its not much of a big deal
itsruthiee 11:20 pm
(11:20:46 PM): babe? u been typing. its okay babe, i love you k?
Moar133tThanYou 11:22 pm
(11:22:58 PM): Babe,

I'm sorry about what I just did a few minutes ago. I'm incredibly stupid for not keeping my promise and I honestly can't believe I let that happen. It honestly shouldn't have happened at all. Ever. I can't believe that you forgave me after that, though. And I love you too.
itsruthiee 11:23 pm
(11:23:45 PM): its k babe, forget bout it k?
Moar133tThanYou 11:24 pm
(11:24:06 PM): I will.
itsruthiee 11:24 pm
(11:24:15 PM): kgood.
Moar133tThanYou 11:24 pm
(11:24:38 PM): *sighs*
itsruthiee 11:24 pm
(11:24:46 PM): TULOG NA beb
Moar133tThanYou 11:24 pm
(11:24:47 PM): You're mad at me, huh?
itsruthiee 11:24 pm
(11:24:55 PM): no babe, im not..
Moar133tThanYou 11:25 pm
(11:25:38 PM): I'm sorry if I got on your nerves tonight... I shoulda known better...

(11:25:40 PM): aright...

(11:25:47 PM): see you tomorrow morning then, babe.

(11:25:49 PM): I love you.

(11:25:51 PM): Good night.
itsruthiee 11:25 pm
(11:25:53 PM): its okay babe.
Moar133tThanYou 11:25 pm
(11:25:54 PM): and sweet dreams.
itsruthiee 11:26 pm
(11:26:00 PM): i love you too..
Moar133tThanYou 11:26 pm
(11:26:04 PM): <3
itsruthiee 11:26 pm
(11:26:10 PM): sugardreams..
Moar133tThanYou 11:26 pm
(11:26:14 PM): Call you tomorrow and the same time...
itsruthiee 11:26 pm
(11:26:19 PM): mkay.

Moar133tThanYou is offline 11:26 pm
I love you, Ruth. 1s ago

because this spring break was the best so far..

2010-04-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

Now Playing - Somebody- Jinky Vidal

I never thought that this spring break would turn out this good, before the spring break started, i've been having the thoughts that it would be just an ordinary day just like the old days and would stay stuck at home all day. But it came out the opposite from what I expected.

To start off;

Sunday; The resurrection.

- Went to church too early to hear the marathon preachings. and it ended at 12:30. Then after the service, i was gonna go home, but then steph and ralph didnt want me to go home rather stayed with them to kickit. It feels good to kickit with them, its been a while.

Monday; Mr. and Mrs. Me Time

-As it was planned, Me and Christian kicked it. We went to the movies and watched the Clash of the Titans and How to train Your Dragon. haha. the movie was cute. :) i liked it.

Tuesday; Day with my Girls

-AFter practice, i went to go kickit with my girls; Lara and Jaja. Me and Jaja met up at DC bart to go to Lara's house together. When we got there, we went swimming and then yeah. it feels gooooooooood to be with them because of the feeling that youre missing the good old days. haha. then we went to Lara's house then my lovely labs(jaja) cut my hair. it was good. i guess? and they said it looked cute on me. hahah. but thanks labs. :) then after that Larababes cooked for us then we all ate dinner. haha.then yeah. we went home. then i went to church.

Wednesday; the things i do for my mom

So it was wednesday and i was planning on kickin it faye and her lil brother FRANCIS. but then my mom wouldnt let me til i drive her to her errands. but then yeah i ended up driving her anyways and my apologies for faye, but then i get to kickit with her. So then we went to her house then we kicked it at onyx then had some conversation and it was good. then yeah. <3>

Thursday; LOST

- went to practice and went to quicklys with Karl and Frenzy.

- went to library

- we were on our way home den we took the wrong bus, we got lost along lake merced.

- driving school and finally finished the 6hours

-Kicked it with babypippo

=GOOOOOD DAY

FRIDAY; CUHRAZY but start of my SOMETHING NEW

- Met up with Christian and guesswhat? 4.9.10 is the start of something new

-Planet Fitness with Faye

-KFC then ate at Faye's house

-went to fairmont center and shit happened. (OMGGGG UNFORGETTAAABBLLEEEE)

-went home

-WENT BBC with capuchino kids.

=CUHRAZY DAY

SATURDAY=

CHILLED WITH BESTIE

- went to luckys real quick. saw beb=]

-youth.

SUNDAY

-CHiLL

-NO CHURCH

-LAUNDRY

- TALK WITH MOM

- HWS. =[

haha. as you can tell i got lazy to elaborate what happened in each day. but yall figure it out.

haha.

MY LIFES HAPPY and i LOVE CHRISTIAN,

hi,

im ruth.

No strings attached

2010-04-05T23:43:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Wifey Material- Ace Hood

My Spring Break, so far is starting off great and to mention Sunday;

its the resurrection day. pretty much stayed the whole day at church because God deserves it and im not even giving time that He deserves.

and it felt good to catch up with the mains and hangout with them that day. i hella missed the old days. i promise ill join the next cantata.

So for today; its april 5, 2010.

I didnt go to practice because i was gonna hangout with Mr. Me, i jsut decided not to go to practice because i dont wanna be all sweaty and sticky after. haha. thats just gonna be nasty.. so we met up at the movies then watched clash of the titans and how to train your dragon. haha. it was a pretty cute movie. twas a great time spent with this person. and oh he amazes me<3

Now playing: Movie - Chris Brown

then again, im tryna keep it that way. i shouldnt be trippin with what i read. i should already know how boys are.. its whatever.

besides that this break is boutta be good + me and babypippo's getaway :) im excited.

and oh i love my deep ass talk with faye + our stupid dumb moments. hi faye. hahaha.

Life's good,

and hi im RUTH

You should try it.

2010-04-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

March 2010

2010-04-03T00:17:00.000-07:00

It is the second day of April.

Currently: 12:35am She's Out Of My Life- Nina

March was a pretty good month for me.

It has one of those days when you wouldn't just expect whats gonna happen. For ppl would run to you if they really need you.

I realized that it is much better for us to be friends. Past is Past. The present is always new.

There are some things that aren't meant to be. I thought that a certain person would come back because "its meant to be" but its not. Sometimes it would come back to tell you the truth. the truth that nothings gonna happen but just be friends.

There are these moments that it would hurt because all you can do is wish. and regret...

If i knew that this is gonna happen, i should've never left.. i should've stayed.

It also made me realize that i was just an experience.. i would call it like that. becuz the other one is better.

March, i would describe it like this; it is the month that said i really have to stop. stop everything. stop loving, stop expecting, stop wanting. because its just not you. its just not meant to be.. you tried. but nothing happened..

When one door closes, another one opens.

Grab it. Grab the opportunity while its in front of you.

Yes, grab it to not get over someone, grab it because he's there. he's something new. You wouldn't wanna see yourself stuck standing right there with the same person that made you cry over and over again...

Move on, let go...keep your pride. itll prolly help you better.

Thanks for making me realize the truth March, Hello April. whats goood?

xoxo,

Ruth Anne

2010-04-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

"I tried so hard to find the sweet serenity"

he's the reason why i have that smile on face lately

2010-04-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

Currently: Holla If You Need Me - Trey Songz

so then, lately, there's this guy that has been putting this smile on face. I was thinking that this is all bad, because i cannot fall this time. i am not ready. I mean, what im tryna say here is that, i dont wanna take the risk of being hurt again. as selfish as it sounds, but its not like that. I mean, the time is gonna come eventually. but whatever.

Lemme tell you what he's like; the smart guy, the swim captain, the awesome guy, the simple guy youll prolly meet out there.

and he's too nice to get hurt. i dont want to hurt him. so i'll try to keep it that way and keep it cool for a lil bit. were better like this anyways. I know him, he's the type that would spend more time studying rather than talk to a girl. But recently, he's been talkin to me til he gets sleepy. I dont know why i feel sad when he's not talkin to me, but i needa think positive. He just makes me hella happy and smile. his hugs are the bestest out of all.

He just makes me happy and he's one of a kind.

XoXo,

Ruth Anne

sometimes

2010-03-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

Now Playing : Circles - Marques Houston

So i shouldn't be bloggin right now, but then i just felt like doing it.

Sometimes, there's a point in my life that i just miss being with someone, like the whole pack that comes with it. It's always been a great feeling to be loved by someone to the point where you didn't care what was hurting you.

It's just a great feeling that you know there's someone you can talk to late at night. Someone that you sleep with on the phone; that someone who would watch you til you sleep. Someone you can hug when you're cold. That person who could make you smile and be the reason why you wake up in the morning. That someone who would hold you and kiss you infront of everybody else and shows how she/he is inlove with you. Oh dontchu just wish that you could just be in love for the rest of your life and have no complications? I've always wished that no one invented the word "hurt " and "pain". but i know what im wishing right now is too impossible, for getting hurt is always part of loving.

it was just a random thought.

Im not complaining bout me being single right now, bcuz i actually like my life right now. but sure it would be better if i have that someone in my life right now. haha

okaaaaay im just saying,

ruth

2010-03-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

I try to hide it, I try to fight it, I don't wanna show you. But to be honest, I am missing you pretty bad.

the truth.

2010-03-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Currently: on the phone with sleepyhead

Now Playing: Endlessly- B44

"And I know I've always

Just been a friend
But if you look my way
I'll make sure you never hurt again"

This week was pretty cool and chill, i guess i would say it that way,for it really was. Less homeworks for ya homegirrrl. haha.

I doin fine but then that thing had to come along the way. I mean im still doin fine, but it seem that i cant get that shit offa my mind.

Sometimes the thing you need is the one thing
You can't see
If you put your faith in me
How beautiful you and I would be

Don't get me wrong, im right here being a friend, like ive always wanted to be. so let me be. i said those words, bcus it is what i feel. yes i might be happy but i know deep down inside theres something thats still bothering me. It doesnt have anything to do with you running to me, bcus for me it is perfectly fine and you know that it doesnt matter to me if you run to me. THe truth is that i found myself hurting right the first time i heard you cry bcus of the same reason over and over again. It hurts still that i cant do anything about it but to wish...It hurts to see someone you loved and took care of cry like that every night. It hurts because all you can do is wish, wish you were the one to make that person happy and fill up that missing part..

It hurts because all I could do is WISH.

Life is sometimes sad.

Yours Truly,

RUTH.

bcuz its saturday.

2010-03-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

i need to keep updates with my blog so it'll know wsup. haha. i felt like this weeek was so long and stressin, barely had sleeeep. but its all good.

thank God IDP presentations is over, alla the stress is gone.it was sucha relief like real talk

but hey i liked my IDP and ppl liked it to. haha. especially the photo part. im sure that this is one of the best projects ive ever done. haha. it may not look cool, but my feelings are there.

Now Playing : If I Was The One - Ruff Endz

and with every stress, disappointments,sadness that i been through this week, God never failed to give me sunshines throughout this week...

i made up my mind that ill apply for Cornell University for their summer program on Medicine, i hope ill get in. and I need you Lord, as i take a big step in my life. I need You by my side..

im counting the good days:)

and im in love with life's endless possibilites.

and hey,

IM RUTH:)

those late night talks

2010-03-08T01:34:00.000-08:00

from the best conversations ever to awkward silences. from sleeping to waking up with you on the phone.. felt so good. nothing compares to hearing that “goodmorning ” voice … feels weird without you. im just saying and i jsut miss it.

i know its random. haha. but gooodnight

what an experience, but it was good.

2010-03-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

Now Playing: Sorry for the stupid things - BabyFace

Recently, i have been having the "emo" side of myself again, but not that much. It didn't get the best outta me though, but I was just surprised how that person just left me hangin after all the words that she said. But its all good, as days passed by, I realized who and what am I to her. I get the whole picture. I came in the picture at the wrong time, you were talkin to somebody else, then you had feelings for me, and i felt the same way. but what happened? Asking me? I dont know. You stopped, then thats where i stopped too

Now Playing: Over My Head - Neyo

So I had someone
You had someone
Started off as nothing more than friends
But as time got spent
I started liking spending time with you
More than "HER"

And it wasn't what I meant to do
Started thinking about kissing you
Accidently "(PURPOSELY)"
Accidently
Suddenly out of the blue
Guess you was thinking about it too
Cuz you kissed me
And he saw you
Damn DAMN.

I might be over my head
A little over my head
But I kind of "LOVE" it
I kind of "LOVE" it
This is not what I expected
A little over my head
But I kind of like it
I kind of like it

This was the song that we used to play over and over again bcus of our situation. and you would change the lyrics. haha. its kind of funny how it hella relates to us huh. damn tho. that was goood., over the presidents week, that was a good experience. thanks. :) you made me feel so good:)

I miss those late night talks with you every night:) you know that i gotchuuuuuu always.

hahaha. Anyways, this was just one of the things that happened to me, i mean, it didnt hurt me. but more like making me feel good:) yeahh that was hella good tho. haha.

as what my friend said "you needa be careful"

Fin,

that was goood,

and hi,

Im ruthiee f baybay. (awwww)

its one of the greatest

2010-02-27T13:35:00.000-08:00

Now Playing: I Got Time- Bobby Tinsley
Goooodmorning. or should i say gooodafternooon, its the weekend and im glad that weeks over. It was so stressful, from those essays, homework’s and projects, glad that i went through all of it. haha.

Let me talk about The President’s week;

so i was happy that we have a week break, I basically spent it to practices, kickin it with people and nothing else. I didnt do my break work so I had to rush things the next week. haha, but eff it, You live once. true that. haha.
Monday; and then I started out school hella happy, haha. you dont even know. i was smiling all day eventhough i didnt have that much of a sleeep becausee…

“Dont know how it happened, but i know it feels so DAMN goood.” - 2.22.10

Its funny how i could relate this one line of “knock you down” to my life. haha. i couldnt ask for more. nawh, not really cus i wanted more. but its okaaaaaaay. thas how life goes, sometimes you just have to wait til opportunity comes and thats where you grab it fasttttt. you get it? k good.

Then the week came to worst; essays, homeworks and project are in stack for me. Ive been pulling up an all nighter the whole week, to the result of not goin to my 1st period because im always waking up late, but it’s all gooood,atleast i get things done. then again, its too late for me.
Another day, where i got pissed of to twitter and formspring, immature people always be saying that immature-st stuff and acting hella tough to say those words because of the fact that it’s ANONYMOUS. so someone came up to me saying stuffs, when they aint even sure who im talking about. I did not mention names for them to assume that it’s this or that certain person. I knew that this crap is gonna happen because i posted something but to tell you the truth? its a whole different story. its not like that and will never be. it’s all good. i liked how she came up to me to clarify things. ohhhh gosh,people these days are so goood in assuming. so i deleted my formspring to avoid any bullcraps. People needa gett off my bizznizzzz. like freals, im not even doin anything..

“When theeeey seee me rollin, they be hatin”

Anywayysss, beside offa that, im havin the goooood life and yesterday was goood.

Went to school hella late again, but its all goood. haha nawh not really. then after school went straight to the gym for practice but then kevin and jerome told me to not go, and aww babykevs is so sweet, he wanted to be with me.so he grabbed my stuffs then went outside waiting for me. we went to mickey d’s to eat then i saw my parents and hella ran away from them so. I ran outside real quick then called jerome to get my food. so i went back to school for practice, finally found a partner. i hope we’ll do good. i needa work on my skills and power. Hopefully we’ll get better before the first game. Im juiced for it and lookin forward to play during PAL. yups. and hopefully i wont slack off.

Speaking of slackin off; Its time to register for my senior classes, ive decided to take 2 AP courses in my senior year, so wish me best;

Ap Lit for my English
Trig for my Math
Ap Biology for my Science
Photo 3-4 for my Eletcive
Econ and Government
and Journalism probably?

Thas it for now. Oh man. Senior year.

They been asking, why are you doing that? I know that i always have the choice to take the easier class, but im only doing this to know where i could reach the farthest of my ability to manage things and 2nd thing, im doin it for my future. In this way my parents can be proud of me at one point of my life.

I do not know what the future may hold for me, but i know that I’ll be doing my best this time.

FIN
I’m Happy and hi,
I’m Ruth

where i went wrong.

2010-02-01T22:29:00.000-08:00

This is why i hate being stuck at home, i tend to think too much and it goes deeper, way deeper than it is. I have been regretting for the past days; I should have done that, this and all of those craps. But really though, it was, nonetheless, all my fault. I focused too much in one certain thing, that i had to let other things slip away through my hands. That's one thing that is wrong with me; i tend tofocus on one thing, when i want it so much. This is part of my immaturity,yes i admit it, therefore I should change it.

The state of changing; it is not always easy to accept changes that is going through/around you. yet, i know for a fact that there's always going to be a change, its mandatory for you to deal with it, whether these changes are going to be good or bad for you, but trust me, these changes are going to be one of the reasons why u kept on moving forward and made you grow. Be mature enough to face these changes.

Sometimes, i have to listen to what my friends are saying, because its not all the time i know what is right for me, i should have listened, way back from the start. I never saw it coming. See this thing; i was so infatuated that it led me to loving it.

"Hearts are broken, tears come running down every night."

It was a foolish thought of me, to think that way; very selfish and very immature. I could not accept what was happening back then. I was stuck around with one thing. Yes people are selfish, and sometimes you have to think for yourself and not think about them, but i went on the other way, I never thought that i could give someone my best like that.Like never. I did it because of what happened in the past. I tried to be a better person. I guess, it was a wrong move. It came to the point that i have to question God; what did i do to deserve all of this? I know I shouldn't be asking Him in the first place, because it was really my choice to be that way. I stayed because i thought it would be better, but there are some things that come and go, or even stay, to let you know that they are just there to leave you marks that will remain forever. There are some things that it is better for you to let it go. and that is one phase in life that i have to deal with. letting it go.

I have become a stronger person since that day, and im so much happy to know the fact that i made it through.

Avoiding the problems or should i say running from them, is not gonna do any better, yet u find yourself dealing with it over and over again. The fact that u cant avoid it,might as well deal with it; the pain, the tears, the smiles, the heartaches,the dramas, everything that comes with it. whole pack.

I was saying to myself, that i know better than this, but really, NO. if you see it that way, there's more that comes with it. Because all i saw was the outer look of the whole scenario; that everything is all good. nah, dude. its not like that. You have to look wayy beyond it.

There are some people who is just numb, or more like selfish. But thats how they are, accept them right, but the solution is that, you are the one who has to adjust with the whole problem, if they wouldnt change, you are the one who is forced to adjust and make some changes, always remember that.

Like i said to myself; Kismet is dancing with you, why not dance with it too?

I find it very amusing(opposite) to see that this year had so much of me already, and im still wondering what's in store for me for the next months.

Thanks January, Hello February.

and My name is RUTH.

this weeks over and im done with it..

2010-02-01T00:15:00.001-08:00

So then, my g1 broke. I decided to borrow my brothers phone, just to use for a while. ha. and look what i found? up there. ^ lol. it made me smile for a minute and said “awwwwww” but nah. it is seriously still making me weak and alla that feeling when i look back to those memories. haha. this weeks over and i promised myself no more bringing up that name and talking bout it. yeah crap happens dude. hahah.

I dont know if im goin to school tmorrow bcuhs bestie want to skip. anyways, im sick. my heads like spinning. uh. plus sniffles. omgee. so not the business. ima bout to knock out ina bit. text me in the morning:)

"Its unexplainable, kind of and unattainable when the person you love aint enough.

I feel so pitiful, look at my face you'll know the pain is in my eyes. "

I need some, help.

thought

2010-01-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

its unexplainable,ya know, those typa lesson in life thang that seems to go round and round and den it stopped, and that's where you know u have to really stop. there are some things in life that aren't meant to be. don't cry bcuhs its over, smile bcus it happened. move on becus apparently that person isn't God what made for you. there are some people that you think its meant for you, but its not. don't force it. maybe the kismet is just dancing with you. learn from it,move on and be happy.there's so much reasons to smile for. -ruth a jan 21,2010. 1250am

i know, it took forever.

2010-01-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

boooo, finally I get to blog,oh gaaaahh, its been a whilee tho. I survived SAT's, the tons of essay due this last week,the chemistry quiz. ooh gasssh, it was really stressful +this feeling. oh yeah gimme more, and ull see how strong I am. haha. well lately, I been thinking too much, I finally realized how important my friends are,and like they're the only ones who could help me through whatever, and there are people who you expect the most to be there for you,they will just push you away, and they're just nice if they need suim from you, I guess I was just too nice, bcuhs I don't really want them to be upset or any negative feeling.and I helluh forgot about myself now.

Now playing: Moving on -Toya
"See right when I start letting go
Somebody wants to let me know
Can they take your place
No they can't fill your space "

it is not easy to let go of someone who has been really close to your heart, even if you force yourself to let it go? it just wouldn't, the heart has a mind of its own, the heart knows when to let go and when's the right time to love somebody else, the only answer that I found is that: it takes time, don't rush it, it will eventually get to that point. Im not gonna lie, I can't wait to get there, bcuhs its a burden deep inside to still have this feeling. it aint easy,like freals.

but despite of that,Im trying to be happy beyond it, I don't wanna think about what happened,bcuhs its hurting me more.but whaereverss, hurt is part of love,

I have my FRIENDS and them to make me happy, but yknow, it aint theee same. but its all good, atleast im happy,haha. whateverrr. I was kinda mad at myself bcuhs I let this situation get the best out of me. oh man.there's no one to blame but myself, why did I fall for the second time? ugh. knowing that the person doesn't want you anymore.why do I keep pushing myself? idont know the answer either, well this time,im not anymore.well she got her ex,I can see that she happy now. im happy for her too.

haha, like my friend said "yall hella bipolar."
hahahaaa
but reaaally tho, got meee helllaaaa fuckeeeed up, like no otherr.

anyways, this weeek wasss ahrrryttie, haha.but heyy sonics waasss good for the 2nd time. ahah. I missed hanging out with this beeezzzy. lols, I kinda felt bad for what happened between me and him, but then again,im still thankful that he was there for me through the good and bad, now that's waht im calling "real" haha. even if I pushed him away hella times, he didn't leave me, lols,whatever, still no regrett becuhs I thought things were gonna be better. but yeah, it waaaaas.it just didn't work. blaaaah, okay this is really getting emo. hahaaahaha, no goodddd. hahaha. and lol,

im pretty happy with what I have ryt now, I just don't wanntt any dramas as babyboooy said.haha, lol, I missed that beezzzy too, he gave me giftcard,oh yeaaah. and dinner with my lovelys soon at Kome, omgggaah,lets go guyyssss. throwwwbackkks=) so ima end it here now,its gettinggg long like yours.mwahahhaa.

and I wanna greeeet mhyk a happpy birthdaaay!

"just let me spend one more minute with you."

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, THERES STILL MISSING.

2010-01-03T01:34:00.001-08:00

she walked through her room, took off her clothes and changed with the comfortable clothes, she cleaned the mess. She felt tired, she laid down the bed. she tried to speak but the eloquence of her mind could not determine what is missing, yet slowly did she realize, she could not figure it out, because it was her heart. Her heart could only determine what’s missing. She tried trusting her mind, but it would not do any better. No matter how happy she was, she is still breaking down at the end of the day. Because YOU was missing in her heart.
1/3/09 125am

i aint tryna kill ppl, you know

2010-01-03T01:33:00.000-08:00

so i think i should blog about my crazy daay,
so i woke up at 6am bcuhsss i had to drop off my pops to work, he didnt use the van bc its getting fixed today. and thankGod its already fixed. and den waited for bestie cuhss she wantedd to come over again, since its the lastt dayy. and den i begged my dad if i cud use theee van kuz i really want my quicklys. and my cravinggg for calamari, and i didnt wanna take the bus to quicklys, haha, so then, i begged and begged til he gave it up. mwahah. i got ninjaa skillz. so then i picked up my frieeend,
tell me why i was driving down the streett and this guy skateboarding down the hill hella fast popped outta nowhere in front of the van, i wassss hella nervous, i braked hella harrrd man. ohh gaaahh, and his skateboard bumped the bumper of the van and good thing he jumped outta skateboard. and told me “my bad” yahhh dude that was your bad, eventho ur pedestrian. i aint tryna kill ppl here,you know. man that woke the heckk outtta me thoooooo. omg, i cant get over it. and my friends was just hellaaa laughing man, while im right there,drivinggg, and still nervous from what happpened.
“wait were we going?
uhh stonestown?
waiit go bacck! i look like shit!
nooooo!”
so then we went to freakin stonestown to fetch my other friend too, man we were driving round for frickeeen 10 or 15 mins tryna figure out what part of macys she was at. haha. during that 10 mins,
“Bestie: How did you know i used to talk to lowell?
us: HUH?
Bestie: I mean chanel”
AHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHA/ crackiiiin maaan.
andd then hey,we found herrr. omgg. i was hella drving faast to go to westlake thoooe. 40 mph = speed limit. i was on 60. kuz i wanted to eat so bad. hahha. so yeah. then were at Quickly’s. HEYYYYYY! haha. 3 milk teas, and 1 chocolate snow, with small balls. haha. and uhh, can i get one calamari and 1 popcorn chickeen? oh yeaaah. im all goood. fudggee man. its so priceless. so then i dropped off my friend, bcuz she said she was gonna take a shower. haha. and den we went to my house, to eat, we chilled there and after we ate, i met my friend outside,bcuz she was kinda lost. shhaha. i had to meet her uup down my street. den i finisheddd the calamari,ohh soo good. den ssssssss. haha. we wuss just chillin because nobodyyss home. den my friend hadd to leave, bestie walked herr to the bus stop, so sweet.but no. haha den yeah,haha. we were just laughiiin and laughin. haha. we palyed wii too. but it didnt work, we ended upp just talkin.anddddd den likeee..
“sheee aiiint gonna tie mee dowwn”
hahahaa.
so den my other friend left too, bcuss she had to take care of sum biddness. haha. which im home alone with my bestie, we were watching some uhh. crazy scenes from our fav shoow then yeah, with her “drama” with the other gurrh. haha. then her uncle called. so we walked to her old house to see whas happenenin, but nothing really happened. and den yeah. they dropped me off home. but heeey, =)
i had fun.
Life is Fun,
RUTH

its the first day of the year

2010-01-02T01:07:00.001-08:00

and its the first of the year, new years went by goooood, because it was actually the first time my family was complete. like this the first time spending it complete, and no ones missing. i felt happy because were actually complete now. so we went to embarcadero, or pier 39 to watch the fireworks and yes it was priceless.

Now playing: When It Rains- Paramore

And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep till May
You'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

The feeling of getting a chance to start over again, and the feeling of letting go of the heartaches and pain, it is priceless, i know it is hard, but its one phase in your life that you have to go through. CHANGES, expect that theres gonna be more changes. more and more. but i told myself that theres gonna be better dayyys. lol. like my friend would say "You dont need that shit bruuuh" haha. i know i dont need it,but ineed YOU. haha.

todayy was crackin, i went to kickit with them, and like the whole we were just laughing and laughing. haha. we haddd our random talks and i liked it. i had my first smoke. hahah. it was pretty cool kickin with these people. haha. and heeey, theyre the first people i hanged out in 2010, u guy shud feel special. haha. im jk.

Anyhow, 2 days til school starts and i havent done anything. But its okay, i read the book already, the thing is i just forgot what happened in every chapter. Pricrastination will truly kill you tho, especially in AP. ha.

uh i think tomorrows gonna be a busy day, and i think im gonna have the car tomorow, hopes up. wheew.

"i threw all of your stuff away. then i cleared you out of my head. i tore you out my heart, and ignored all your messages. i tell everyone we are through, cuhs i'm so much better without you.

but its just another pretty lie, cuhs i break down everytime you come around."

indeed it was a good year

2010-01-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

Now Playing: Feeling You - T.I
i dont wanna say that it was a bad year for me, because looking back through the year made me sad, because of that bad times that happened, but hey, theres also good times ya know. those priceless moments and feelings. i would never ever forget that. As i can recap, i started my 2009 very bad because of my family problems, it was very hard for me to accept it, because it is not what i expected. as far as i can remember, my lovelife was being an ass that time too. but who cares, its past. i know, but im just saying. haha.

There were so numerous things that happened, i wanna enumerate it, but this its gonna take a long time.

it went good for my sophomore year, but then my grades went lower, i had issues like no otherrr. but hey, my summer was crackkiin, even most of the time,i stayed home. I thank all the people who put it up with me throughout the summer tho. oh and even before that? Shit happened. Man, 2 of my bestfriends left me and went to the Philippines, it was truly heartbreaking, man. Jazmine, i missyou dude. but then again, ive learned how to face it. and i got used to, although it wasnt the same without them. I have to take it. Like going to school without them, like i was just all quiet and yeah. but good thing the school was about to end that time.
and junior year came. it started out sooo bad, but it was worth it, because of the volleyball season. i made some improvements for myself, but i gotta work for it. anyways..

2009 is the year, where i had to attend 4 debuts of my friends, like theyre leaving me too, theyre 18 and their goin to college. like sucks maaaan, i cant wait to be 18 too. haha, but hey 2010, im turning 18:) ugh, but hella ppl are graduating too.grrr.
man i am already feeling the saddness of 2010 tho, but its all good tho, its in a good way too. haha. whew.
anyways lets not talk about that, so hello 2009, youre about to leave me, thanks for all the memories, pains, heartaches, joy, laughters, tears and blessings. I just wanna thank the Lord above, for taking care of me this year, for helping me and for teaching me lessons.

One great thing about 2009 is that I learned to Love the fact of learning from my mistakes, and to accepting whats not for me. The Lord has answered all my prayers, but its either, YES, NO or WAIT.
Towards the end of the year,I had the most heartbreaking event in my life, i had the most painful pains, and i had to accept it with my pride. It is never easy to accept things, especially when its not really for you. You gotta move on, and forget the pain because theres gonna be better days. Easier said than done, but thats just how it is. Im learning to not look back from the bad things that happened, but just treasure the good memories that happened, it would keep you smiling. Forget the past, keep good times, theres more to come.
I never thought i would actually feel this kind of pain in my heart,i never thought that it would end this way, sorry i have my imperfections in my life, and sorry i made a mistake for letting that relationship slipped just like that. i wasnt thinking right at all.but hey, youre one the best things that happened to me, im not gonna lie. thanks for everything and sorrryy.

I wanna end this year very positive, although its not ending right for me, but i just wanna think positive for now, so it will be good for me the next year. 2010 is jsut a few hours away.I just wanted to let go of the heartaches,pain and all the negative stuffs that i been through this year, especially for this month. ohhh december. :( man this is harrrd, i feel like crying. i gotta let this out before 2010 comes at 12. well idk if theres gonna be tears, im pretty there will be, although ive shed alot this year. whew. Keep drinking water. haha. it will keep you alive.
Thaks you Lord, Parents and Friends for being there for me, for putting it up with me, and for not giving up on me. Sorry for all the bad stuff that i have done.I am very sorry. Lets make 2010 great, yeah? lets apply the things that we have learned from 2009. IM pretty sure everybodys gonna be happy.

Lets make each other smile and keep that smile in our face, enough with the tears. Keep Moving Forward and Dont look back with the bad times:)

I love you all. thankyou:)
Now Playing: Must Be Nice- Lyfe Jennings

i missed my babygirl

2009-12-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

ha. today wasss crazy, if i shud say it that wayyy. i drove around frico, to get keith's cake,i ended up goin to goldilucks by mission. haha. i should sayyyy, i hatee frisco streets like noooo otherrr. haha. but i liked it kuz its raininggggg!

and then..

i went to my cousins birthdaaaay,at first i didnt want to, bcuz i knew that this girl would be there, and i didnt wnna seee her. but i went. anddd i love it how she went up to me hugging and kissed me. haha. immediately she dragged me to her room to talk about stuffs, and i love our conversatttiooons, like on thaa reaal. haha. she kept me laughing theee whole time and told me stuffs that i never knew. like thankss babyygirl. haha. but she kept pushing me to go for that "guy" on my facebook, which is my bestfriend. haha. like helll naaaaaah, he's my bestfriend. haha. and dat will stay forever. haha. and shes all like teasing me that im a weaksauce cuz i cudnt get him. hahaa. i was likeee, no hes really my bestfriend. haha. shes succhaa dork, i think ill treat her out on thursdaaay thoo. i needa get the van again. and need that girls day out.

meanwhile, ill be gone for awhile. take care of yourself. iloveeeyou. and ill missyou.

its not that i miss you

2009-12-30T00:02:00.000-08:00

It’s not that I miss you. I just, for some reason, keep thinking you’re going to walk through that door and tell me that you miss me and you want me and can’t imagine your life without me. I keep thinking you need me and you’re randomly going to call me, IM me, or text me…

i still love you somehow

2009-12-29T23:55:00.000-08:00

I want to be immune to what you’re saying cause you’re hurting me. I just want to sit here and hate you. I need to find a way to deal with my pain and anger. I wish I could make you disappear. You want to know what my problem is? My lips say I hate you but my heart whispers I still love you somehow…

and this is why i hate night time

2009-12-29T00:03:00.000-08:00

this is why i hate night time
Now Playing : When You Love Someone - DNH
Cause when you love someone,
truly love someone
No matter how hard you try
sometimes you can’t let go
And if the one you love
should feel the same way in return
Then make the one you love yours forever

today? monday, nothing new, didnt do anythig actually. i was in my laptop for hours and hours. the only time i went off is when i cleaned things up and cooked food for myself. i beeen thinking alot for the past few days. i dont know why, but thinking about it? yes it is so gonna be hard. but im doing this for your good. so i wont have to expect anything from you.im sorry.

i got my sidekick back, got a refill for it.thankGod its still working and i forgot my password, i never expected that my password was …….

this sidekick briiinggs so much memorrriesss that made me miss you damn much.

look what i saw in my notes;
“do you get what imsaying when i say im in love with you and that one day i hope we’ll be together forever and eever?=)”

it just made my heart smile just for once„and after that certain moment evrything was back to its heartache. it wasss so nice being happy even just for that time. it was the best feeling ever. i wouldnt wanna look back to bad times but im glad you happened in my life. and id gladly love to get those feelings back again.and id gladly love to fall back in love with you, but i know its never gonna happen
Now Playing: Promise- Jagged EdgeDon’t let no one change your mind Cause they don’t know how much I care
They don’t know the things we share unless they’re
here babe
But since they’re not
How can they say I’m not true

Time will heal everything.and time will come that im gonna be fine. i wont rush because i know its not easy. I know that i would end up loving you still even if im gone.

NOw Playing: Do You Remember- Jay Sean

If it’s alright with you then it’s alright with meBaby let’s take this time let’s make new memories
Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Let’s bring it back

on the other side,im gonna downloadd new dsi games just to get my mind off things. hopefully it will work. i know i wont be sleeping again til like 3or4am. :(
this is it for today.

i miss you,
RUTH

2009-12-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

“I hope you always find someone to take you home
To put you into bed, kiss your cheek, and check your pulse
Make sure you’re still breathing, with their hand up to your nose
I wish that could be me, but it’s just not possible.”

-breakfast in bed; conor oberst

i miss you

2009-12-28T23:54:00.001-08:00

My fingers ache, begging to be holding yours. My face feels incomplete without your touch. My arms feel empty without you filling them. I miss you so incredibly much that it hurts and i’m not sure how to handle this

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WANTED A TATTOO WITH MY NAME ON IT? *SIGH

2009-12-28T17:41:00.001-08:00

hi, you’re one of the best things that happened to me in 2009

2009-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

i'll get through this

2009-12-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

so my ipod is on shuffle, idk why is my ipod playing these slow jams.

i dont know where to start, so lemme just say it randomly.

first off, i just wanted to say thank you for helping me get over from what happened in the past. like, freals, i wanted to get out of that feeeling, and u helped me through out. i didnt know that i’ll take these things seriously, and i wasnt expecting myself to fall so deep for you. when i say fall so deep? i mean, i cant get up. idknow how am i gonna get through this. but i know i will, it just a matter of time. i believe that this relationship happened for a reason and theres a reason too, why did not work out. like u said, “were two different people” but ive always believed that “opposite attracts”. guess its not true. You made me feeeeel so fucken goooood for 1 month or so. even when were just talking? those were the happppiest days of my life, that it came to the point that i wanted to be forever. and then bam! shit happened and ur feelings changed, but still, i was right there, stayed in love with you.

“I just fell out of love for you” u dont know how much these words hurt me when u said that. i felt like letting go of your hand, but no, i held on, because i still belive in us. the expectation of being together,and working it out. it did not happened. i stepped on my pride, i gave you my all that it came to the point i had nothing left for myself. taking risks just to see you, leaving me behind while im always there for you. treating you the best way i could ever think of..

NOW playing: One Last Cry- Brian Mcknight.

hopefully, this will be the last time i’ll ever cry offa you. Numerous nights, i think of you and cry because of you. You dont know anything about how i feel for you. You dont know how i go through everyday thinking that u fell out of love for you. Thinking of ways to make u fall in love with me again is not easy as it sounds. Leaving me aside,when ur friends are there, i play it cool just to make u happpy, because i know that i cud never make u happy again.

Checking your phone everyday, asking you questions? well sorry for the fact that i just want you by myself, whats so hard about understanding this fact. Well, u dont have to worry about that. U have the freedom that u want. im sorry for what happened. it was all my fault because i was so selfish.

dont tell me you want to take it back because u know u like it this way. u proved that to me with the how you treated me infront of you ex. “what the fuck is your problem dude” a fucken wow. thats what i wasnt expecting from someone i love.

anyways, im getting to the end.

I just wanted to say thank you. i know ive said this hella times before. but thank you, you made me learn things. i dont needa name each of it, because i already told you. thanks a lot.

secondly, i jsut wanted to say sorry. sorry for making you feel like shit. making you feel like this and that.for making you feel all the negative feelings you could feel. im sorry that this relationship didnt work out like what we expected. i truly am sorry.

NOw playing: Only Hope- Mandy Moore.

Youre all that i ever wanted, youre all that i ever wanted to love. i gave you my all. thankyou for this experience. ill never forget this. ill be over you somehow.

i love you. goodbye.

idk what to feeeel.

2009-12-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

like on the real talk, u asked me a chance, but im to scared that it would be the same thing over and over again. im scared to get hurt, i know its selfish, but man, its killing me. im not lying. it slowly taking away my energy when i would think of all that things that had happened. i dont wanna be in that kind of situation, i dont wanna be there, this is the first time in my life that i have to fight for something what i belived in and then gave up just like that. as weak as it sounds, but it was killing me. i think i already have a phobia to be in that kind of situatiion. im not gonna lie. :( ughh. i love you tooooo much to let go of this, but i have to. im sorry. goodbye

untitled

2009-12-02T21:21:00.001-08:00

i dont know how or what am i feeling today.i felt shitty bcuz of the weather today, it is too cold for me. my hands were always cold. towards at the end of the day. i was looking forward on being with her alone. but i guess not, stupid weather. wait why am i blaming it on the weather, its winter already. u should be used to it. but its whatever. ill wear thick layers next time. i watched her practice, and it ended, and yah it was whatever. told me to go home by myself. its okay. i see how it goes. so i just walked away.. it makes me cry everytime we get into this thing; when i feel like you dont care anymore as much as you cared for me in the first day.

i love you is all i can say.

its sort of funny

2009-11-29T01:19:00.000-08:00

its sort of funny

but not in a ha-ha way. My auntie and my mom was talking about my brother’s girlfriend, and how my auntie didnt like her because of some stuffs. and how she looks like. My auntie kept on saying how the girl looks and that she saw her already because she hangs out with our 2nd cousins and drinks. In short, she didnt like the girl because of the stuffs that the girl has done from the past, how she didnt finish her high school. She kept comparing my brothers ex girlfriend kuz of how she graduated from nursing and those stuff. My auntie is too scared for my brothers girlfriend kuz the his present gf didn’t graduate high school. Scared of what might kind of living my brother will have.

meanwhile, i found it funny because she doesnt understand what love is and what not, i mean, im not mad or against her towards on this topic. she’s right. but then she doesnt understand what my brother is feeling for the girl. Love doesn’t choose what situation or what’s gonna happen in the future. For as long as love someone, you dont care what people may say or what happens in the future, because u can go through whatever with the one you love.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T21:12:00.001-08:00

Black Friday, November 27,2009. woke up at 630 am to drop off my mom at work. and went to babe’s house early morning. i looked gross. sorry babe. den cuddled with babe for a few mins and theeeeen babeee wanted to goo shopping already. haha. waited for babe to get ready then went to luckys to drop her off. den went home to go get ready. went to pick up chela den off to serramonte. den shop, well babe did. i didnt. after datt. uhh. went to go eat. den dropped chela off kuz she has to go. den went to hospital to visit babes mom. den yeah did errandsss. den babes mom checked outta the hosppp and drove her home. yeah. den stayed home for awhile. denn yeahhhhh.u knws. haha. den went to tanfoooran kuz babe wanna buy jeans. haha.but yeah. it was pretty long day with babe. den after that. night with the family. oh gawsshh. too much details eh? k ill stop there.

it was indeed a long day. im very frazzled, but its all worth it. this happen once in a lifetime. Yup, its part of thanksgiving. it was exhausting especially shopping, although forever 21 upsets me. haha. its all good and gravy. i have never been tired like this for hella long. but i get to shop but not what i expected. but im THANKFUL.

“and girl you know it’s gon’ be lovely.
i cannot pretend, i just wanna spend more time with you lovely.
the way you keep it tight, know just what i like, you know it’s gon’ be lovely” - Deepside-Lovely

with joy and thanksgiving.

2009-11-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

November 26,2009 its thanksigivng day and its my kuya’s birthday.

Yesterday remains yesterday while u wake up and theres new beginning.

Me and babe got back together. hope this time theres no BS that will go through us. and im thankful that something like you came into my life. GRRRR. its so cheesy but i have to say it babe.

meanwhile, there is so much to be thankful for,for my everyday life, for the people around me, there so much blessing that God has given to me, despite the fact there are times that i tend to forget Him. and im very sorry for that. Lord, i know the word thankYou is not enough for the blessings that you have given to me. but ill say it anyways, THANKYOU for EVERYTHING LORD. iloveyou.

that was pretty fast

2009-11-25T21:35:00.000-08:00

that was pretty faast? i should say. i remember back then when we used to be on each other and say words that would give us butterflies, those were the days that made me certainly happy that i wanted to be with that person. but i should have known better and not expect that this is gonna be forever. nothing last forever? i guess its true. i remember, when i fought for this love and relationship. showed you how much i want you.

i wanted to make you happy, but i guess i wasn’t good enough to make you happy and to make you feel like that. what happened to forever and 7 days? what happened to "starting right now, ima try to not be an ass anymore babe" . what happened to "110709 settled. could not ask for more." what happened to "babe youre mine k?" yea babe im yours.

what happened with those aways? when u used to show ppl how much u love me. how much u want me.

"its just a fucking away." i know right. idk why am i even trippin offa that.

yeah now. no ones gonna bother u anymore. no ones gonaa tell you what to do or what not. no ones gonna force u anymore. happy? hope so.

it was nov.21 2009 when everything started to change. because of that one stupid mistake i did. it changed everything. if i knew this is whats gonna happen. i shuda never said. yes i wasnt thinking because my anger was taking over. shit happens.sorry for ruining everything everything.

if this really it? then go ahead. i would not stop you anymore because this is too much. i cant take it. everything changed. dont wish that ill be happy kuz u know that i wouldnt.

im giving up and you are always welcome to come back.

thanks for everything. i loved you with all my heart and soul. but i guess i wasn't enough.

but

2009-11-22T22:42:00.001-08:00

but the smile on your face makes up for the pain in my heart.

CFBM is all i need.

how about the future?

2009-11-21T15:22:00.000-08:00

uhh, me and babe was talkin bout stuffs in philippines, like how the Christmas was celbrated there, and here in America? its hekka dead. why is that? whats the difference?

I remember back in the Philippines, me and my cousin would sing christmas carols and would get money out of it. It is so fun, that we wouldnt care about the money, its ours, we share and we half it. I remember how my aunties and uncles would give us money thats new and id smell it because its so addicting. I remember how we would gather on the eve of Christmas and would make a countdown til the clock strikes 12 and would greet each other Merry Christmas,how we would hug each other and kiss other in the cheeks. I remember going with them during simbang gabi just to get putubumbong. Oh gosh. How i Miss my Philippines.

It is back then when my mom wouldnt care about me playing volleyball and going home late. How my dad wasnt there and it was all good. i was happier in the philippines. I didnt have these problems back then. But now? it sucked.like how the Christmas and New Year are celebrated here. sucks man. those were the moments i would never forget in my life. i would gladly look back to it in the future. im glad it happened, it left me lessons and made me see reality.

talking bout the passst. HI future, haha. i just looked at my friends facebook, and i saw her album titled "dormmates". if i was in the philippines,i would be a college student and would stay in one of those dorms and would live without my parents, id be happy. omg, why did we even move out here? i dont like it here.i mean i like it but i would choose to go back in p.i to live my own life. but then there are differences, there are somethings that philippines doesnt have and america has it. that is why we moved out here, but it made it seems like life here is harder. I imagine myself being an independent woman in a CSU and have my own car. ohhhhhh. or some college in L.A omgggg. GOOD life. i wouldnt ask for more.

anyways, nuff of dreaming.live your life.

RUTH.

i notice.

2009-11-19T16:43:00.001-08:00

it started out so badddd. and hoping to end it better. ugh. my dramas in the morning. i hate it. talked to bestie in the morning and tell me why i cried. but anyways, i dont wanna talk about it.

ttwas an okay day. uhh. same routine for thursdayyyss, block days, i hate block dayss. they take forever. especially wednesdayyy. omg. too much chemistryyy is like bombing my brain and at the same time sleeping in my bedd but u cant kuz u know theres bomb thats coming. ha. stupid simile. haha.

so, my 6th period, algebraII. we hadda sub. tell me why i start noticing things around me; i find it pretty weird because of the people that i have in my class. there was different kinds of people that i dont usually notice til earlier. its pretty funny how i saw them in a way that nobody could see it, i was kinda laughing inside because of how i see them, there's people that so weird but so smart, theres people that wouldnt care about whats happening around them, theres ppl who cud draw the whole period, theres ppl who cud talk for the whole period, theres ppl that they think theyre cute but their not. haha. its so weird, i wonder how these people see me too? haha. this is what i do when i dont have my ipod on me.

there are thingss that i wanted to do but i cant because i am limited to do things, and i know i shouldnt be doing that, but blaaah, im unexplainable, i dont even get myself.

so im currently reading the book "Adventures if Huckleberry Fin " by Mark Twain and im on chapter two and im actually liking the boook, miracle? no, because the book has its illustrations inside. adur. i want those kinds of books, those books that would catch my attention. well yeah, and it depends on the story too.

ima end this now.

life is unexplainable,

RUTH.

the world.

2009-11-19T16:29:00.000-08:00

keeps getting in the way.

sometimes there are times when i just want to ask God, why cant i be happy the way i wanted to? but i can't because i dont have the right, i know my life is a privilege given to me by God and i know i shoudnt be asking those or not even think of it, instead of thanking Him. Theres not a day, that im thinking about everything; my parents, my grades, and other stuuff. I cant even look on the positive side anymore, when im home, i cant even smile because of my dad, like real talk, it hurts me, im just tryna play and laugh it off, its been awhile since i hadda nice talk with my dad, because my anger was always inside.and it hurrts me when they would see the things i do was wrong.

anyways, i dont wanna be emo, but its just reality.

dad, uve been always in my mind.

we fight and we make up.

2009-11-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

its been 3 days in a row that were always fighting kuz of my stupid ass. hey babe, sorry if im a bitch most of the time, ill try not to be one anymore. :( dont leave me k? i love you!

CFBM. all that i need.

tell me

2009-11-09T18:22:00.000-08:00

Love is being stupid together, having silly fights, holding hands just because you can, the inability to stop smiling when you`re together, being able to stuff your face in front of them, knowing they love sunkist but hate orange fanta. Drooling over them when they’re in sweats & a white tee, smiling simply because you heard they’re name and simply stated, love is a feeling that, no matter when or where it happens, can’t be denied.

a sudden change

2009-11-09T17:46:00.000-08:00

as volleyball season ended, things were slowly changing, in a good way and bad way, i guess?im stressed about my grades and i dont know why the heck am i doing, i wouldnt blame it on volleyball and/or to anyone, because yes it's still mydecision to slack off, or by any means to procrastinate. so i blame it on myself. progress reports bout to come out, i should watch out for my grades coming in the mail. i shud go home early. and watch the mail so my dad couldnt see my grades. haha. bad.

i know it is. grrrr. i hate school for some reason, i used to love AP, but now im hating it, i dont know why, theres no excitement in school for me, i mean for my academics. but whatever, but real talk tho, i needa giit my shits straight.

HELLA things changed , and i know i need to blog this.or somehow in the future ill remember this one time that one person came into my life and never made me happy this way.

me and my ex arent talking anymore, moved to the philippines, and i think thats a good decision for him, except for the fact that his family wud blame me for that decision he made. i know that i dont have the face to put it in his family especially to his sister. but who cares, its nnot my fault. or u cud blame it to me, i dont care either. move on. things do change. and yes feelings do. we both didnt take care of it.

ANYYYWAYYSS, theres this one person thats been making me happy for the past few days, and im happpy bout it. People might say i move on too fast, or whatever, thats life, i wont spend my days crying over what happend. i dont want to waste my time where it will not provide me anythigng;useless. thats how life goes and i beleive that past doesnt matter anymore, learn from it. anyhowwwss, i thank this person for making me feel this way, we both believe in forever, and i said that we'll make it happen. we both came from the same situtation from the past and i know we cud do better this time. I believe and will believe in this. mark that.

110709 the start. CFBM on mines:) i coudnt not ask for more.

volleyball season is over

2009-11-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

ended it with no wins, but all worth of time and will. only the strong will survive. and yes, i did everything, i did everything that i can do for the team, i still have my senior year to prove something, to prove that we deserve a win. i should say that ending this season made me sad at the same time im happy that it happened because i gotta admit i got better and im actually stepping myself up. well unlike before, my freshman year, i waas so scared to be in the court. haha.

i learned alotta leassons and things, i learned how to accept loses in lives,learned to keep my head up and learned to fight. i would still call my team a winner.

like what ive said earlier i still have my senior to prove something, and ill make it happen.

yeeee.

a day off, finaaally.

2009-10-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

i finally got a day off; a day with no homeworks and no stress, and no PRACTICE. considering that i had a 10 hours of sleep, i still feel tired. but i need to take things positively. i am not tired. HA.

first progress report; hella off. 3C's 2A's and one B. cmon. i feel dumb OMFG. nawh. IM JUST LAZY, perhaps i feel like i have the hardest subject and teacher; MS BARGSHADY. crap. i regret changing my schedule for my volleyball season. but its kool. i have my dad to always teach me in my math lessons. but then again, im scared of what they would say about my first progress report. oh gash. ima die.

anyways, i heard that my cousin KEITH, is goin here already, oh how fast things happen, who would have thought that we would meet again? keith is one of close cousins in the philippines. i heard that she has a boyfriend in the philippines, knowing that she is a freshman high school there. how ironic. im scared that she would transform here. wow. but then again, i gotta think positive. haha. ive been taking care of her since she was a kid.

and oh my debate was a success. i guess. haha. i went for DEATH PENALTY and talked about how the murderers deserve it, like richard ramirez. this guy scared the hell outta me dude. imagine a person killing 14 people and had 30 other offenses. these kind of people shouldnt be existing here on earth and knowing that he worship satan as his god. oh man.

hahah. what to talk about? ohh this one person got on my nerves yesterday because of the fact that i went out of the gym just to see her and hella went to to her and the next thing i hear is "i dont want a hug" so i was like "im not gonna hug you" so she was like "can i get my headset" and she said it to me earlier that i can have it for a day and like wtheck man, u jsut said it earlier that i can have for a day and now ur getting it from,whats the point of saying that. so then i ran to the gym and get her freakin headset and gave it to her and hella walked outta her. i dont need your attitude. if you have problems with your girl, im outta that bizness. u dont need to play that attitude to me.

good thing VOLLEYBALL makes me happy.

END,

RUTH ARRIOLA.

hopes

2009-09-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

hold on i need to pee.

okay so, i dont what to write. but anyways,

i have alotta things in my mind for my future and i dont wanna waste them. i wanna make it last. til i get to that point. i dont wanna waste this point of time, i need to work on it to get that.

but the problem is. PROCRASTINATION.
ugh man. succkks. hahaa

killed it.

Love and Basketball

2009-09-05T23:37:00.001-07:00

was the shit man. its an old movie. i know. im hella late.

stronger everyday.

2009-09-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

so then schools been stressful. because i still have my habit of procrastination. yeash, i do admit, its all up to me. i have practice everyday and i get tired easily, makes me wanna go to bed immediately. currently, im pretty happy in what im doing in volleyball. but im not happy with the way i am in school. i hate my algebra teacher beacause she explains fast and im that slow. ugh. alotta students complain s bout her. i hope ill get an A, but i doubt it. i know that i should throw this habit of mine.i just wanna make my parents proud. but i guess they arent proud of me til i get a STRAIGHT a's thas why im trying my best to do whatever i can. it hurts that they cant see that. sorry thats what i can. i am so tired. and in my chemistry class. its hard to keep awake, while mr. tennysons voice is making me fall asleep because its very soft. and like theres no talking, ugh. i hated that class from the very start. omgosh.

NOTE TO SELF: bring food in his class. so u can stay up

anyways, life is just life. ull do the same thing over and over again. youll learn things everyday. and thats what make it great.

thunder<3

2009-08-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

"Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder"

-boys like girls

the last night of my summer.

2009-08-18T01:24:00.000-07:00

so this is the last night of my summer. my summer is like mostly dealing with my problems in my family, ya know, everything is different now. i guess it affected us because of the recession that is happening now. i was expecting that my summer would be like spending more time with my family. yah i did get to spend my time with them but, yaknow, i was expecting to go places like last yearrr, I FEEL THE BONDING, went to hella places. but i guess this summer is different, kuz i was just stuck at home. and sometimes go out with my friends, i barely go out with my friends, and the time i get home, all i hear is their doubting voice and stuff. im like wtf do u want me to at this house. if i could just say that. especially this week was horrible. i was crying for 4 night straight just because of my parents. tha fact that they dont trust me and the fact that they would get mad every-time im gnna go out with my friends.a lil mistake, and they would notice that and make a big deal out of it. it makes me cry every time kuz they would notice all my mistake and not notice my brothers. yah theyre unfair. they would say the most hurtful words just because i made a mistake. but its all good.

my summer wasnt good because of my family.

ON THE OTHER SIDEE!!

i have my friends that made my summer fun. A BIG THAANKSS to you guys, y'all made me feeeeel better! Y'ALL MADE MY SUMMER THE BEST

BIG SHOUTOUTS to:

PANGS

LAAAAAAABS!!

BABYBOYY

R-REDD

EDRIC

PAUL

KATHLEEN

AIRISH

MHYK

EDWARD

DEE

KUYA RYAN

MON

COUSINS[MERCADO'S]

baby justin=]

CHRISTINE

JOY

CAROL

KEN

TOLENTINO

JOIE

AND

YAFC =]

alla you guys, y'all know who u are. next summer yeah?

SORRY FOR THE PPL WHO I DIDNT GET TO KICKIT IT WITH. PROMISE WE'LL KICKIT SOON.

MARIE PASCUAL! GO HOME SOON, IMISS YOU BESTIE.

i misss JAZMINE DELOSO! toooo. :(

iloveyou guys with all my heart and soul=]

thnx. summers done.

hello school. IM SO NOT READY FOR YOU.

i am blessed.

2009-07-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

i just finished watching this one tagalog movie BFF. haha. BFFS! ew. it was ayyttt. so anyways. this past few days i feel that im very blessed. He's doing so much things for me and i always fail to thank God. i feel bad. and i know i shoudnt be doing that. and yesterday i was the happiessttt person ever. i passed and beb visited me here. i was surprised. haha. altho you waited for me. thnx b. i appreciate it :D and oh i was telling erybody that this the worst summer. its not my worst anymore. altho not with my family but with b and my friends. its the best. thnx b. i swear ill get the best of this. yeash.

i am the happiest.:)

how to deal

2009-07-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

its a hot day today, nice to be out, anyways. i missed blogging. ha. i just realized that im not handling things thaa way they shud be handled. i need to to deal with them correctly and not leave it aside. and the fact that its vacation, theres more time in dealing with things correctly. right? omgoodness. i dont feel like doing things anymore. its so BLAAAH. i know its better for to be single, so i wont have to deal with things that much. i hate that. gooosh. ima cut it now. bye.

TUMBLR`

2009-07-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

follow me!

http://supruth.tumblr.com/

and i sayy

2009-07-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

i give up! i know i am doin the right thing, Lord knows its killing me.

i still think

2009-07-15T15:02:00.001-07:00

that blogspot is better huh?

just another dayy

2009-06-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

hi, im bored, idont know what to do eventho im supposed to read my summer reading sheet! omgah, ANYWAYS, SLEPt like at 430am then woke up at 1pm. haha. den yeah, pogi imed me to go jolibee laters at 2 so den i took a shower den were off to jobee. haha den wento starbucks with deee. its nice day outside.haha.deng but i cant go out that much.blaahahhaa. im so paking boreddd dude! i took sum pics at cameroid.com

Yesterday was pretty FUN

2009-06-18T16:01:00.001-07:00

NOW PLAYING: Loving You - DAY 26

so then, airish and me planned to hangout this week and so we did, we went to the movies and watch the Hangover, which is pretty crazy and funny.ahaha so then we ordered this humongous size of popcorn and we didnt finish it, not even half dude! ahaha. shets. wasted 6.50 damn man. and freaking big soda and didnt get to finish it. ahah, so then yeah, after the movies pogi wants to kickit so i called him kuz were boutta go jaja's place.kuz airish wants sum cig. haha. so yea. we went there and jaja took a bath and waited for pogi, then were off to westlake, chilled and went to serra. haha. we took pictures we were laughin the wwhole time.haha.

so here's sum pics

in the midst of tension

2009-06-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

i choose to express my feelings, but i can't seem to do it. i suppose. today is a busy day. and i choose to take a rest and log on to my blog to write this. somethings keeps bothering me. it wont go away, ive been thinking it all day long, i dont know. ive been acting weird today, i usually talk in my house, but this day, i cant seem to talk that much. i leaped to silence and thoughtless of what was goin on inside. all i hear is what they want me to do. yea. i cant speak my mind. ive been thinking of stuffs since i woke up. this thing is torturing me. i swear. why cant it be the way i want to. its hard to think about stuffs all day long. i kinda know what to do, but then, i jst dont wanna do it and i dont wanna take the risk. this situation is fucking me up. i cant get my shits straight, i dont know what to do first because theres one thing that would come up and will change the plan. but really. why am i feeling this way? im afraid that my whole summer is going to be like this whole day. =I im afraid. o yea, yea, LOVE, FAMILY, SCHOOL, FRIENDS. aaahh. this things is giving me a hard time foreal man.

i am in the situation where nobody could and would understand me.

anyways, where's my camera when i need it? urghh!:( i regret selling it. omg. :( okay. i need it. :(

if someone wud give me one right, ill love them forever. im not kidding. i need it so badly.

"HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS NONSENSE TO MY HEART?" - Chris Brown

Sorry Labs

2009-06-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

:( sorry kung nasapit ka pa to sa gnitong sitwasyon. sorry nadamay ka pa:( sorry tlaga. kundi nman dhil sken to, dka mgkaka ganyan labs:( sorry. ill take the blame,ksalanan ko lahat to. :( iloveyou and thankyou sa pagiintdi. :( salamat. :(

its hard.

2009-06-16T00:26:00.001-07:00

so how do i do this? its hard to say NO to people.:( i dont wanna hurt them.

everything isnt just right.

2009-06-13T03:06:00.000-07:00

yeah, i could feel it, im not numb to not feel this. and yea im not suppose to feel this way.

i just want you completely out of my life. thats it and im done.

notice the scenario here: YOU like MY FRIEND. why is it that u hittin on my friend? and u know the fact that we are very close. whats the point? hnde ko maintdhan tlaga. bakit sya pa. hnde ako nagseselos or sumthing, but then respect u know? i dont know. thanks for making these problems. thanks for making my life very complicated. thankyou very much. i aprreaciate it.

sana kung wala ka, walang nsasaktan smen dalwa. sana kung wla ka, wlang gulong ngyayare. tangina mo. manhid ka.

too much paiin right now. thanks a lot. u were the least person i expected to do this to me.

i gues im wrong. and i didnt know u were like that.

Numerous things.

2009-06-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

k, i dont know how to start of whats happening in my life now.but anyways ill just start with these random things.

so, schools over. but i have summer readings for AP. i have these books

[x]Black Boy by RichardWright

[]Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser

[]The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

[]Master the AP English Language and Composition Exam

I am currently reading the book Black Boy. and like im so laazzzy,:( err, but anyways. i have 3 essays to do over the summer. oh wow. i can do this. yea, if i dont procrastinate.

k hold on. ima continue this after i eat, because i hear my mom shouting my name.

ok so, ha. i forgot to continue this after i ate breakfast.haha, anyways, today was a pretty chill day. get to go out, shit, i know. kuz they dont trust my friends. but anyways, im just tryna get out of trouble. fuckers. i hate this shit tho. when theyre be trippin kuz im with sum dudes. i was like okay? i wont even hangout with them, if they theyre bad right, and i know myself, i wont do sumthing stupid.

change topic "UR FREE" - 10:50 pm 06/10/09

yeash im freee, ive beeeen freee dude. all the single ladies! woo,

so this is what it feels like. to be free, no worries. wooo. and oh, the love feeling in ur tummy? its not for good. ull get used to it until u get tired of it. hay. its better to be single, so u can do whatever you want. yay.

but anyways, i still cant get over it:(

and oh i have a gay lover and i love him too=]

IDGAF nomore!

2009-06-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

yeah maaaan, its vacation, it started out so baddddd. UGH, life is so unfair man. my family? i say that theyre bein a bitch. yah. theyre bitching on me everytime. they judge me, they judge my friends kuz what they see from outside, but really, is that the right thing to do? i guess not. yeeash, i have my own mind. i wont freaking hangout with this people if they dont have good heart, right? they be trippin kuz they smoke and stuff, but idgaf! my other friends werre smokin too, but the question is, do i smoke? big NO! crap, i have my own mind. my life is short, i wont kill myself shit. i wont do sumthing stupid. and mostly, im not like them. i just love to hang out with them kuz theyre fun to be with and they have good heart. haaay, buhay. they dont trust me? i dont care anymore. all im saying is that im not doin anything bad, i know myself more than you guys know me. and it depends in me what decision will i make. yeah. i hope sum1 from my family read this. especially my older brother. =[ i dont freaking judge his friends like he judges my friends. he's hella unfair.

fuckeen stressed man.

2009-05-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

oyeah, i get to blog after a freaking stressing days. ughh. i hate school. who invented it anyways?haha. oh man, FUCKEN FINALS! ugghhh i hate it.

anyways, my load has been subracted somehow. haha. i turned in my portfolio already and nothe book checklist for cavanaugh. but.

i still have

GEOMETRY HOMEWROK FAWWKK.

FRENCH PROJECT

thaas hella stressin dude. i been sleeping late for these past few days maaaan.

errr. but anyways, today is a pretty chill day,

went to school, 2nd, tutorial, 4th, lunch and 6th.

get to hang out with bebe kathleen for a few hours, and daaeem, i was hella full omg. haha. i neeeded to go home to take a shit ahaha. fatty! i know. haha

and den we went to bart kuz she finna go home and ima take the bart to powell kuz im meeting up with rinnah and red.

so theeen, downtown, we dont know where to go, hahha. so we went to union square, went to macys rooftop, and went to chinatown.haha. and rinnah bought sum souvenirs. and i bought a gift for my dad. ahah so then back to bloomingdales mall, chilled for awhile and yea went home.

its pretty tiring to walk but i had fun.haha.

on the otherside, ughhh you hella selfish :( i hateyou

kbye

equanimity

2009-05-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

It’s sometimes very difficult
For us to understand
The wisdom and the love behind
The things that God has planned.

But we wouldn’t have the rainbow
If we didn’t have the rain;
We wouldn’t know the pleasure
If we never tasted pain.

We wouldn’t love the sunrise
If we hadn’t felt the night;
And we wouldn’t know our weakness
If we hadn’t sensed God’s might.

We couldn’t have the springtime
Or the yellow daffodil
If we hadn’t experienced
The winter’s frosty chill.

And though the brilliant sunshine
Is something God has made.
He knew too much could parch our souls
So He created shade.

So God’s given us a balance:
Enough joys to keep us glad,
Enough tears to keep us humble,
Enough good to balance bad.

And if you’ll trust in Him you’ll see
Though yesterday brought sorrow,
The clouds will part and dawn will bring
A happier tomorrow.

ALL SUNSHINE AND NO RAIN MAKE A DESERT!

Interdependency

2009-05-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

in⋅ter⋅de⋅pend⋅ent

[in-ter-di-pen-duhnt]

–adjective

mutually dependent; depending on each other.

Sources: dictionary.com

So then this week is kinda stressful week kuz the end of the semester is coming near, so then projects here and there. Homeworks there and everywhere.

We have this project for my four major subject which is English, World History, Biology, and Geomtry.

We were asked to define the word: Interdependent. and it is said that it is mutally dependent.
We were asked to define this word because we are gona write an essay related to the word Interdependency.

Biology? How does interependency show in the subject area biology?
Geometry?How does interependency show in the subject area Geomtery?
and so as the other subjects, its kinda hard, because i dont look things deeply unless i need to. so i guess i have to look at things that i learned from the past in my subjects. wheeoohweee.

how great, and oh portfolio ddue next weeek!

kbye im sleepy

"What all these victims need above all is to know that they are not alone; that we are not forgetting them, that when their voices are stifled we shall lend them ours, that while their freedom depends on ours, the quality of our freedom depends on theirs.[..] Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately."

- Elie Wiesel
The Nobel Acceptance Speech Delivered by Elie Wiesel in Oslo on December 10, 1986

My dad

2009-05-19T23:11:00.001-07:00

so i dont know if should post this or not, but ill post it anyways cus im supper hella mad at him right now.

i dont know too why is he treating me like that, we had an argument last night which led me to get out of the house for awhile, even if its hella hella cold.

that night I have realized the words that he had said to me.

he's my father, yet he treats me unfair.

He never loved me.

He never trusted me.

He never. and would never.

I wanna be a daughter to him, but he slaughters me through my emotions

I cried.

I cried

He wont say any apology til he sees me dying infront of his face

He can care about me less and he could care more about my grades

never shall i forget those words.

those words that made me see the person behind you.

i've been keeping this emotions for a long time.

i cant burst it out because i dont have the rights.

i know that the time will come, you would look for me.

but, i might not be there and might not be the person you are looking for.

-Ruth Arriola 1125pm 5.19.09

='(