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HOME Ruth Arriola, 092792. Call me Ruth. Im 18 years old. Licensed. Im Undescribable. Even i cant Describe myself. but hey, i dont bite. follow me. and ill follow you yah? My Life's happy and sometimes its just shit that happens. I mean wwho doesnt get emo at times? haha. Its a blog kinda like my Timeline while im not tired of the massive transformation of the technology Archives
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010
late fathers day. So, the past week it was my dads birthday and the next week was father's day. My dad, he left me when I was a year old to go and work in other country, specifically, Guam. Since then, i never knew what he looked like but just in the picture. I just hear the sound of his voice over the phone. It was nice to know that theres someone over the other country working hard for his family. Im even thankful for that. I met him in real person after 10 years, and it was kind of awkward feeling whn i first met him. I remember that time, i was so spoiled and he brought me alot of stuffs coming from abroad. Back then, i knew something was missing, it was him. There are times that i spent my birthday without his presence, there are times that i wish i grew up with him so that we could know each other more. There are times that i hear my mom kneeling down praying because of my hard headed brothers. And i wish my dad was there to discipline them. Basically, i grew up with my mom. After that he went to guam again. And i remember he went back to p.i for my elementary graduaTion. After that he decided to leave guam and move to the mainland. With no one to help him, he moved all by himself. It was a terifying moment when i heard my mom crying over the phone, because my dad was stuck in the airport and couldnt find someone to help him. I was scared because he wAs sleeping in the benches of LAX, freezing. "nene, kahit ano mangyare, tandaan niyo, mahal na mahal ko kayo" these were his words when he was stuck in this one place. Thankfully he found his way to SFO. He commuted all the way down there, in where he started out as a security guard and worked his way up to being an engineeer. Life was good then. But it didnt end here. Numerous nights, countless mornings, i hear my mom crying and crying. There are times that they would scream at each oyher and it already bothered me because my mom couldnt stop crying for days. I didnt know anything or what was happening. But i hear my mom trippin about my dad havin another girl.i didnt even bother because i know in my heart, my dad couldnt do that. I calm myself down. I didnt worry about it or anything. Or im thinking my moms just too paranoid. Til the time came, that were moving here(us). I didnt wanna leave my mom alone. But i have to. You wouldnt believe what happened during my first few months here. I didnt know anything. So i was cool with my dad. We had our bonding time the first few days here. til i noticed something weird in him. And til my mom wouldnt stop calling me . There was something inside that i was feeling but i kept on ignoring it. There was this one time i read a text msg; "pede ko ba makita ang mga bata?" "si danielle may sakit, gsto ka makita" sent to another carrier. I already read that text msg that gave me clue of what was goin on, i just wouldnt believe myself becuz i trust my dad. I knew his day offs from work, i noticed that he would go out during7:00am and 3:00pm. Every day offs its like that. And out of curiousity, one time i went with him. I forced him. And there i found out the fucken truth. He wasss picking up this lil girl and would give her a ride to and from school. I couldnt stop asking myself questions. Til i found out the truth that i have a sister from another mother. I blamed my mother and him. I fucken blamed my father the most, and from that, i hated my father. I had so much resentment. The drama went on for so many fucking months. There were times that i would go babysit with my dad, just to make sure that the another girl and him werent doing anything. You know how fucking hard that is? And how hurt i was? Knowing that my brothers doesnt know boutthis until now.i had so much pain because of my mothers pain too. It was just hard finding out the truth. And really, truth fucken hurts. From then, this was always the reason why my mom and dad would always fight. I dont blame her if she cant trust my dad. I dont blame her. I blame my dad. From then on, I lost the respect that i had for him. It was just God and Gods wordthat made me forgive his ass .. He is still my father, after all. Dad, i still love you no matter what. Thanks for everything. Your daughter, Ruth |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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